Hate, and why it doesn't matter

Hate is a strong word, but I really really really don't like you. (Plain White Ts)

When I was young, I'd allow things to get to me really easily, so in turn, I'd be an easy target for a certain group's malicious - and often completely over-exaggerated - 'attacks'. As I've matured, I've realised.....who cares? Honestly, who gives a shit about what other people say or do, whether it concerns you or not, as long as you're happy with who you are?

Is it possible to ignore them? Can you live your life without ever having to deal with them if you don't want to? Yes. So no fucks should be given. The fucks are not in attendance. Ignore the fucks.

However, just because I believe that people shouldn't care about what others say about them, doesn't mean that it's impossible to be unaffected. If someone threw insults at you non-stop, but you never saw that person again after a while, would their words still hurt? Of course they would. You never have to deal with them ever again, they're basically dead to you, but their hate still left a stain.

Someone can completely chew you up and spit you out and you can say nothing at all because hey: who cares what some douchebag says? But, unless you're devoid of feelings completely, you're still going to feel something.


There will always be someone who will really dislike you: fact. 

It's a pretty obvious statement but it's one that's easy to forget, especially if you're not used to being disliked (well, not to your face, anyway). You will never be able to satisfy everyone that you encounter, so instead of trying to change yourself to be more 'likeable' or getting really upset about it - don't. Even if you do manage to 'win the approval' of some dickheads you don't even want to be friends with, that doesn't mean you're set for life; at some point, you will still come in to contact with someone who doesn't care for your personality...so, fuck it.

I think I'm a pretty likeable person on the whole (oh god, she's so self-involved, what a narcissist). I'll admit - and have admitted in this very blog description - some of the things that pass through my head and end up falling out of my mouth are not all good or socially acceptable, but I'm pretty certain that they're justified. If I say something potentially offensive, I realise it, but I said it for a reason, I'm not saying things to be an asshole or to get a rise out of people.

The funny thing is, though....the outspoken opinion that people seem to dislike me for [x], is something which a lot of other people actually agreed with or at the very least understood if they disagreed. The only sensible conclusion that I can come up with is that it's the person - not what the person actually said - that's the problem. It's an extremely biased view of someone, making them dislike a lot of the things they do, regardless of if it's actually decent or not. A popular example: Justin Bieber. So many people hate the guy no matter what; even if he makes a song that's actually really good, because it's Justin Bieber, all the Bieber haters (do they have a name...? Un-Beliebers?) may immediately dismiss it as a pile of shit because they associate negative things with him.

It's irrelevant what the motivation is behind this post because all in all, I am generalising the issue as a whole, not just focusing on myself. If someone dislikes you...fine, but there are also people that love you, too. Love overpowers hate, so people need to grow up and find another hobby that brings them as much joy as being putrid dickheads to people that don't deserve it. [/irritation]

Why I hate Mother's Day

And holidays/traditions in general.

Certain things are expected of you, things that make no difference to your self-worth or value as a human being, and if you don't do them, you're seen in a bad light.

I don't like materialistic concepts, and holidays rate highly in this mental list of mine.

What Mother's Day looks like to me is, 'If you don't get me something on this day, you are a bad child' - how absurd does that look?

I don't know if it's just my mother, but if I don't get her anything, she constantly reminds me what my other family members have done for their mothers and has actually said to me that she doesn't think I am very considerate and infers that I am a bad child.

I can't stand being made to feel guilty for not spending money on someone, it's nearly as bad as a guy getting shit for not paying for a date. So many times in the girl gossip circle, they've said that they expect guys to pay for all this shit, and it pisses me off, especially as a fellow female, to be associated with ridiculous states of mind, but that's another story..

If you don't give your parents gifts or cards or anything for their respective holidays, does it make you 'bad'? Surely if a child doesn't want to dish out, but has shown, through words and actions that they appreciate their parents...are they still meant to feel guilty? Hell, what if a child shows their parents nothing but disrespect, yet never fails to give their parents a gift one day a year...does that excuse their bad behaviour for the rest of the year?

Do I consider myself a selfish person? Yes and no.. I don't like doing things that I very genuinely find pointless, even if it makes someone else happy. If they're going to seriously get depressed, then that's the exception, but a few tuts and I won't do it. I also put myself out for others in order to make them feel happy if they're depressed, and am always willing to help out a stranger if they're suicidal, occasionally going to extreme measures....so am I selfish for not buying in to holidays?

Last year for my mum's birthday, I poured my heart out into a two or three-page letter telling her why I love and admire her...I had tears in my eyes as she read it, and you know what she said? "What will I tell my friends at work that I got for my birthday? Other people buy presents" or something along those lines.

Are you shitting me? Are you seriously-- 

It is not a competition, first off. Plus, I find the letter/handmade gift idea so much more meaningful than a pre-written card from Clinton's, yet you would rather I write 'To Mum, Love Shanade' amongst some crap little ditty that I didn't even compose myself? As a writer, I am almost offended.

If you need money being spent on you to feel like you're worth something, you need to consider how much you value yourself, because that's sad.

Why does money mean so much to some people?  I refuse to buy into it, it isn't what I believe in.

So shoot me in the face if I don't get you anything for a holiday, but if you get upset over it, take a look at yourself.

Note: The double-standard applies - I don't care if people buy me gifts for holidays at all, so I'm not just 'avoiding paying for things with a lame excuse'. And when I become a mother, I won't expect gifts...their general love for me should be more than enough.

Red Hot Chili Peppers

I've been a fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers since 2001; I remember asking for By The Way, their 2002 album, and getting it on Christmas of the same year, along with Foo Fighters' One By One. That day, I managed to learn all of the lyrics to By The Way and forced my nephew and niece to sing it with me.

Before starting secondary school in 2001, I didn't have a band or genre of music that I gravitated towards, I just listened to whatever was on, uninterested in music in general, until I met my then-friends. I explored rock music, went to a festival for the first time in 2004 and got excited about the concept of music in general.

Reading Scar Tissue - Anthony Kiedis' autobiography - made me appreciate Anthony and the band so much more. It's been several years since I completed it, but it's very deep, personal, and tragic in the early chapters. He talks of drug addiction, the death of original guitarist Hillel Slovak, childhood, the band's early years, travelling and just generally narrates his life as best and as detailed as possible.

In about 2005, I realised that I wasn't as interested in RHCP anymore, instead favouring my obsessions with The Mighty Boosh, Noel Fielding and Russell Brand. If you were to ask me my favourite bands at the time, RHCP probably wouldn't have topped the list and if they did, it was out of habit; they're a band that I've always had close to my heart, but I wasn't passionate about them like I was initially. Following the release of I'm With You in 2011, and the knowledge that I was going to see them in concert for the first time, the admiration began to manifest itself in me again.

After seeing them play, it got worse - or, better - and I can safely say that I love them to tears right now. It's gotten to the point where I'll watch a really heartwarming documentary and will cry because I can feel the love in the guys' hearts by the way that they talk. I'm seeing them again this year in June and just thinking about it turns me from apathetic to excited in seconds.

 
I have always been a big fan of Anthony Kiedis' voice, regardless of how much I was into the band. Something about the tone of his vocals makes me emotional. It's the sort of soothing voice that I'd want to sing me to sleep every night.

Following on from Anthony's voice, I love the band for a multitude of reasons:

• Flea's bass skill
• The harmonies (most notably John Frusciante's)
• Their energy onstage
• How far the band have come
• How Anthony has struggled and made it through the 80s
• How lovely each member is in interviews and behind-the-scenes videos
• How playful they still are
• The melodies
• The lyrics... 

I could go on and on.

I can now safely say that the Red Hot Chili Peppers are my number ones. They all have so much positive energy that they inject into their sound and share with everyone, and I am going to be with them, filling up on it, every step of the way.

RHCP, I'm with you.

Coming out?

Brighton Pride 2011

Kids these days are being persuaded to embrace their sexual orientation and to come out if they define themselves as anything other than heterosexual.

"Be proud of who you are," we say, "Don't hide in the closet," we shout. Sorry but, where did this closet actually come from? Is anything else in the closet? Are spare clothes in the closet too? Cause I'd quite like a new dress.

If you're not 'out', being 'in the closet' sounds like you're hiding, which isn't always the case. What's wrong with not telling people? It's not their business to know. Will your sexual orientation affect the way that they live their life? Is withholding such a trivial matter going to cause them harm? Does it change your personality?

No, it does not.

While I agree that you should embrace yourself and who you are - I see almost no point in coming out at all. I understand that it feels great to get a weight off of your chest - but how much does your sexual orientation actually play a significant part in your life? Unless you're dating someone, why does it matter?

If someone happens to ask you what your sexual orientation is if they wish to date you, by all means, of course, tell them, because then they have a right to know. It's like asking if you're single - if someone has no intention of dating you...why does it matter?

The only person who has the right to know which way you bend in the first place is the person you're seeing, when applicable. Of course it would also be reasonable to tell parents if you plan on inviting your partner round a lot, because why should you have to sneak around for something that isn't wrong?

There have been several young people that have asked members of the gay community if they should come out, even though they may get kicked out/disowned/killed. Now really, why would you risk such a danger for that? Unless you have a back-up plan, don't risk coming out if it could majorly negatively impact your life - it isn't worth it at all. Some people will be like 'I am proud of who I am', but calm down, you can still embrace yourself without sacrificing your life...

Sexuality doesn't have to be a big deal; all it is is who you're attracted to. Do you see loads of kids confessing their heterosexuality to their peers? What is the difference between coming out as gay and coming out as straight? To show your pride? But why are you proud of something that is just a hardwired part of you? Am I proud of having brown eyes? No, it's just something that....is, something I have no control over at all.

"I'm gay" is also like me saying, "I like pizza" -- a fact about me that does not affect you, the way you function or my personality. I am more than a girl who likes pizza, it's just a part of my life, one that isn't a big deal.

People put too much emphasis on being queer, and I don't understand why. You can be happy with yourself without having to tell everyone about it.

I'm not saying never come out, or I would be a hypocrite, I just don't understand why people need to know in the first place. It's no-ones business in the slightest.

Once again, come out all you want, because it feels great to just get it out, but unless it's troubling you, no one really needs to know, because it's irrelevant; you are more than just your sexuality.