Black People Don't Have 'Good' Hair?

'Unprofessional', 'nappy', 'untidy', 'difficult to manage', 'bad'...these are just a selection of words I have heard to describe a black person's natural hair state. By 'natural hair', I mean hair that hasn't been tampered with either by straightening/perming/relaxing, or hasn't been covered with a wig or weave. It's much less likely to find a black woman with natural hair nowadays.

Straight hair is preferred by a large portion of the black community because many believe that it genuinely looks nicer and is easier to manage. However, the sacrifices that people make to attain straighter hair can be extreme to say the least - scalp burn, hair loss, breakage, scabbing, and of course over-spending (black women make up only a few percent of the US population but are involved in 80% of the hair market*) are very common results when people opt for chemically straightened - or as we term it, 'relaxed' - hair.

Why would anyone ever want to do this to themselves for something as superficial as hair? Because 'natural hair' is looked down upon by many, can be a source of ridicule and racism, and a potential hindrance when job searching.


I watched an episode of the Tyra Banks show and it explains it completely - it's a real eye-opener for people of any race, especially those who are not black. The 80% statistic* comes from there.

Children and adults from the show explain how straight, glossy hair makes them feel better because they can swish it, they feel more confident, and they don't get bullied.

Going back into black history, two guests explain how slaves who had 'good' hair, i.e. hair that wasn't as coarse, had more of a chance of being freed when their master died or may have been more likely to be house slaves which was the better of two evils. So for them, it wasn't a 'my hair looks cute' thing, it was literally survival, and they believe that what we feel now is leftover from that.

Please please please check it out, it was interesting the whole way through:

I stopped relaxing my hair about two years ago because I didn't think that it was vegan, but there's no way I'd go back now. I won't be giving up my hot irons or blow dryer any time soon, but I don't need to damage my hair/scalp to that extent again.

(an hour or so post-relaxer)

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 (not straightened in maybe a week or two)

It's usually a comfortable medium, which I am very pleased with!

I cried when I gave up my relaxer - the idea of not having hair that straight for the amount of years I had it was overwhelming, but I've learned to love my hair, even when it starts to frizz up a little bit (bottom picture is not desirable for me, however!)!

No matter what you do to your hair, it doesn't take away from you being black at all, but don't believe that long, straight hair is the best. 

'Good' hair should only be used to describe healthy hair!

Watch Chris Rock's film/documentary called 'Good Hair' to find out even more about this, if you like!

Plastic Surgery to Look 'White'?

"With images of white beauty so dominant around the world, the pressure to conform is immense."

This quote comes from the second episode of  'Bleach, Nip, Tuck: The White Beauty Myth' and it really hit home.

For most of my life, I wanted to be white because I thought white people were prettier. It was so bad that it made me cringe to self-identify as black. Did I ever admit this? No way. Not to myself or anyone else. I hid all of my insecurities whilst posing at angles that made my nose look thinner and straightening my hair. I've been doing things like that ever since I was a child, I'm twenty-five now. I've never wanted surgery, but that doesn't take away the same self-destructive mindset that a lot of non-white people express.

"To fit into this society, you've got to look a bit more sort of, European." -- Jet

Another person in the documentary, Mun, says that, as an aspiring model, he believes that he will succeed more if he gets rid of his Asian features so he wants surgery. Is there some truth in it?

The images of white beauty are constant. Simple unscientific exercise - Google the world 'beauty' and the images are overtaken by pale skin, even the minorities included in the search look white-passing which is almost just as bad.

People can say (and they would be correct) that there are very famous people of different races who are also beautiful, successful etc but the number is low compared to that of their white counterparts.

I'm sure that the intention is not to isolate people who are not white or white-passing but well-meaning intentions mean nothing if the result is bad.

You cannot blame these people for feeling insecure, you need to look at what's causing  the - very recurring - problem in the first place and try to remedy it. How? There should be more diversity in the races and skin-types that are prominent in the media so that people like me feel a positive sense of identification. A black character thrown in here and there or in the background is not enough. There are exceptions, but that's usually the case. Obviously this will not solve everything, but it's a step in the right direction.

"I have been affected by growing up in San Diego in a white world. When you look at magazines and TV and the media in the U.S. you see gorgeous women, but you don't see gorgeous Asian women. You see white women because that is how beauty is portrayed in American culture."-- Shin-Yu Wang on Asians who want to emulate a 'whiter' style

This is a very loose theory based off something I read but people often look to the media to find themselves in the people they see....and if all they really see are white people, they may either feel a sense of loss if they're not white, or they want to be like who they see, whether that's thin, long-haired, or pale-skinned/white. I recently saw a picture of a black child looking at Lupita Nyong'o on the cover of Vogue with the caption, 'She just stared for the longest time.'

I talk about race and representation way more in this blog post, and wrote a short poem about it.

Tahira, a Bangladeshi woman in the documentary, talked about feeling discrimination from her own community because she's dark-skinned - Asians prefer lighter skin.

"They like you because you're fair and beautiful. I have a problem - my skin colour is my problem."

With Tahira however, I'm not sure that she wanted to be white, but instead paler. She said she dreams of being white, but is it a race thing or a skin tone thing? I don't know

Even so, members of other ethnic communities see paler skin as better, which is natural among white people, but less so of races who normally have darker skin. Like people trying to imitate photoshopped celebs, we can't 'win'.

[S]kin lighteners are all the rage, with a lighter skin tone being openly acknowledged as being “better” and associated with beauty and intelligence amongst black communities. [x]

I have always...always had a preference for lighter skin, and I'm not alone. I know it's irrational to think that that white is best, completely....yet I still sometimes feel unattractive in my dark skin.

Can I also make a reference to the doll test? Children were given two identical - aside from skin colour - dolls and told to pick the one they liked and the one they didn't like. Guess which doll most of them preferred?

If any child says that their skin is bad because it's dark or that they want to be white....that's enough of a red flag.

People may compare the wish to get surgery to be more European-looking to fat people wishing to be thinner. I understand the link completely, but I find race a bigger issue. It's not easy, but it's possible to change your weight...it is not possible to change your race, no matter what surgeries you get.

As long as white ideals of beauty dominate global culture, many will feel the pressure to alter their ethnic features. -- Bleach, Nip, Tuck: The White Beauty Myth

In this documentary, a black man (after hearing about Jet's desire to surgically alter her 'Caribbean nose') got very defensive, saying that people should be proud of what they look like and that it's foolish to want to look white. People get really angry about this. I can see exactly where he's coming from but at the same time, these people have picked up on racism, white supremacy, maybe even bullying to the point where they'd rather just conform to what everyone else looks like.

Instead of putting these people down, people should be thinking about why so many people around the world feel like this.

I've had a look at the comments about the documentary and people are saying that these people need professional help and that they don't understand why they're doing it. They don't understand because they've never felt it, they find it absurd because they are coming at it from a totally different perspective, especially if they're white and have never experienced racism (please don't go there with 'white people can experience racism' because it's 100% not the same, especially  in this context).

Listen to the person who feels oppressed, don't try to find ways of telling them they're wrong.

On the flip side, people say, 'Love yourself,' and, 'But you're beautiful'.....but it's not always that easy to fix. How can you tell someone who has likely felt the same way for years to suddenly see themselves in a different light? It's a gradual process for the most part, so be patient with them.

I don't think that all ethnic minorities who want a thinner nose, thinner lips, paler skin, double-eyelid surgery etc are doing it to look more Western, so the reasoning behind the preference has to be taken into consideration. However, how many people would be willing to admit that they want to look more Western? Not even that, how many people realise that they want to look more Western? A lot of people may be in denial or so scared to admit it that they make excuses - I definitely did!

Like I already said, it's easy to tell people to love themselves, so I won't. Instead I'll say - the reason why white beauty is promoted so intensely is because the people in power are usually white, it has nothing to do with white being best. Actively seek out examples of beauty and success from your own race and realise that the definition of greatness is not defined as 'white'.

My self-confidence is a lot better than it was and I feel okay posing head-on, acknowledging that yeah, I have a thick nose, but whatever, I look cute sometimes. Suck it, insecurities.

I wanted to talk more about black people who change their hair to escape their natural locks, but soon realised after watching a few things that it needed its own blog post - I'll be writing that later today.

Strong female characters in high school anime?

(And I mean actually strong and well-developed, not a girl who can kick ass and not much else)

Recently, I've been actively avoiding high school anime. Why?

The girls are usually concerned about:

• Bust size
• Not getting fat
• Otherwise looking appealing (for boys)
• BOYS - a lot of their lives revolve around dudes 

And if not....they're often objectified or told they need to be good wife material.

Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu comes to mind immediately.

I used to really like this series until I realised how awful Himeji Mizuki and Shimada Minami - the two main females - are.

Almost everything they do revolves around Kenji, they even try to change themselves in some episodes to suit his tastes. The character development is barely there either - we find out why they've liked Kenji for so long, but that's pretty much it.

Anyway, this isn't about Baka to Test, it's about a high school anime series that actually gets a high rating from me - Kokoro Connect. With a title like that ('kokoro' means 'heart'), I expected a boring, lovey dovey anime and was preparing to drop it within the first ten minutes....but I'm so glad I didn't.

 I'll list the negatives first to try and maintain a balanced argument:

• The only out, queer character's first impression is that of a persistent sexual predator
• It's always the girls who need help/saving, usually by guys (however, when one of the girls gets in real trouble at the end, it's mainly the other girls who rescue her)
• Aoki has asked Yui out more than once instead of respecting her unenthusiam
• There are a couple of 'sexy' scenes but they're there for a reason and it's kept to a minimum, so this is barely even a point
• The ending may have been too perfect? I can't tell - I'm a sucker for soppiness

Positives:

• Very good character development
• Strong female characters, mentally and physically
• Lives not revolving around guys - girls would rather sort their own problems out first
• Free from major stereotyping
• The females all stand up for themselves, even Iori's mother who stood up to her abusive ex-husband

User 'Trollbrotherno1' on myanimelist.net says in their review:

[F]or the genre and medium, this was an amazing job of characterization.

(find the full review here under 'Kokoro Connect')

And that is exactly it - my expectations were exceeded completely. I was blown away by how fleshed-out and strong-willed all three girls were. Not only that, but they all had backstories that explain their personalities. And, shocker - the girls had more character development than the guys! I'd prefer all characters to be well-written, but I'm glad the girls got lots of attention because usually, they're badly written.

We see them evolve into better people; not one of the girls is exactly the same as they were at the beginning, but the guys don't really develop (I guess because nothing was really 'wrong' with them in the first place....? Taichi hurts himself to save other people, but that doesn't change, even in the last episode. Aoki is more considerate of Yui's feelings but only because her issue was brought to everyone's attention).

Here's my review of some of the characters and why they appealed to me so much.

SPOILERS FROM HERE TIL THE END (also, watch the whole show, plus the 4-episode special/final ending - it's very interesting and has an ever-changing supernatural theme throughout).

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We know that Aoki has a thing for Yui but she doesn't want to be with him. Naturally, we figure that it's because she sees him as a friend...but it goes deeper - she's scared of men because she was nearly raped in middle school. Because of this, the furthest they go is when she hugs him.

What I appreciate here is that they didn't push her character to get with anyone - she's still coming to terms with her fear of men, it can't just end with her magically getting over it.

Another thing I appreciate about Yui - she's very strong, physically (even though she's a 'girly girl'), but this doesn't automatically make her bullet-proof. It makes it real for someone strong to also be vulnerable - plus, she gets a lot stronger as her character grows.

Now, onto Iori (and a bit of Taichi)...

I didn't like Iori at the start because she seemed your typical kawaii girl who everyone's encouraged to 'awwww' over. I was mistaken.

Turns out that Iori struggled so much to please every step-father she had that she constantly altered her personality, she even admits that she maintained her bubbly persona in order to live up to everyone's expectations.

She eventually learns, with help from the others (mainly Inaba, the third girl) that living to please others is stupid and she should just be herself. This inspired the line, "I'm done caring about what's normal and what isn't. It's my damn life, and I'm living it any damn way I want." This is one of the most inspiring lines in the show. I am so done with female characters who live their lives to please people, especially guys, and never actually undergo any changes or have the issue addressed by other characters. Iori, I salute you.

Also, Iori is in love with Taichi and it looks like they're going to date for the majority of the show, but when he formally asks her out, she refuses because she knows he's fallen for her "ideal" self, not her actual self. This impressed me because again, it felt realistic and mature.

Another important factor: Taichi handles it well! He doesn't guilt-trip her, call her a bitch, or complain about being in the 'friend zone'; he still admits that he loves her but he moves on and continues to be by her side. The people who ARE mean to her about it get their comeuppance.

Finally, just a quick word on Inaba. In one of the first few episodes, she admits to masturbating to Taichi and it isn't sexualised nor is she demeaned or treated differently. Girls masturbating is still a taboo topic, so I count this as a big deal. The only anime series I've heard of girls admitting to masturbating or doing anything sexual is where the theme is already very sexual.

What I also liked about Inaba is that she admits that she loves Taichi too, but this doesn't completely ruin her friendship with everyone. Instead of getting jealous of Iori, she playfully declares her a rival (unlike in Baka to Test where they both try to outdo each other, cry about it, and get angry at Kenji for speaking to other girls).

Even though the ending was romantic and it has a strong romance theme, the girls' aim was not to get with the guy/s, it was to better themselves as people and combat issues as a team.

That's it, really!

Watch the show, it's a refreshing break from your typical slice-of-life high school anime and it comes with an inspiring moral.

See how I've rated nearly 300 anime series' by checking out myanimelist.net/animelist/Twigglet

Gay Best Friend

Who's ever wanted a gay best friend? Someone to go shopping with, trade secret with, give you fashion tips...a pretty valuable friend to have, right?

...

Why is the idea of a gay best friend so problematic? Many reasons...

1. It assumes gay men act a certain way (TV does this A LOT)
2. It highlights sexual orientation as something of importance beyond anything else about a person
3. It objectifies them, treats them like accessories

Basically, people care about having a gay best friend because they're gay. They care about the sexual orientation more than the person who matters much more.

In the following TED talk - What's Wrong With the Commodification of Gay Men, Mark Pampanin explains why turning someone's sexual orientation into a commodity and why assuming that being gay means x and y is wrong.

Not just that, he also says that being pro-gay has become somewhat of a trend, something to show how progressive and accepting people are.

Are you a gay man? What do you think about the GBF idea? Have you ever been treated this way?

Critical Thinking

For a while now, I've enjoyed questioning social norms, and encouraged others to do the same (as implied with this very blog title).

Up until now, it's always been kind of vague - Think about it ...Think about what? Think how? It wasn't until I watched Steve Joordens' TED talk that I remembered it had a name - critical thinking.

One of the first things Joordens says is, "[Critical thinking] is what drives social change."

All of the progression we've made from history to the present day has been due to critical thinkers encouraging others to think the same. It used to be normal to receive therapy for being gay, it used to be normal to refuse women the vote, it used to be normal to treat black people as slaves. All of that changed because people starting to think.

Now, I'm going to touch on a few things Joordens says and afterwards, I'm going to explain how he influenced the way I want to approach things from now on.

The way that we naturally think, behave, see the world etc is due to [cultural] beliefs that we have probably held since we were children. The media, our parents, peers, teachers, law enforcers etc teach us right from wrong, what is acceptable and what isn't. For example, how do we know it's wrong to commit murder? We are not born with that knowledge, it's taught to us, we learn things like that from our environment and it becomes ingrained. If we find out that someone's killed someone else, we (normally) react negatively without a second thought.

Joordens brings up something called observational learning - learning things by copying. We do this almost exclusively when we're babies, but as we grow, we learn to think more for ourselves but we still engage in bits of observational learning.

We're not all 'sheep', we don't do everything just because other people do, but we often DO follow the majority in terms of what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't.

Think about if you were a white person in Southern America during the slave trade, Joordens says, and everyone around you owns slaves and treats them like objects. What would you have done?

Left image says: 'Am I not a man and a brother?'

You can call old slave owners bastards, and rightly so, but what would YOU have done?

Did they know any better? "Generally speaking, most of us would think it's okay. In fact, most of us wouldn't think it's okay, most of us wouldn't think at all, we would simply accept it, it would just be normal," says Joordens.

They did not know any better, but that didn't mean that what they did should have been acceptable.

Going along with things without giving it real thought is the opposite of critical thinking, this is what critical thinking wants to combat - the normal, accepted way of thinking.

Then you get someone that Joordens terms an 'opinion oddball' who steps in and realises that treating black people as slaves is not okay because they, like the slave owners, are also human - slave abolitionists. Obviously, there was a slight backlash... Why didn't everyone automatically stop and say, "Know what? These people are right - keeping slaves is immoral, we should stop"? Because when someone says that what you naturally think or do is wrong, you get defensive and try to justify yourself, maybe even refuse to listen.

This all sounded similar to something that I've been fighting against for five years now, and I was amazed when Joordens said exactly what I was thinking - eating meat. He vocalised the fact that he knew it would make people uncomfortable, but, as an example, he wanted to encourage the audience to think critically about where their food comes from.

He then talked about the realities of the meat industry and rounded it up with saying that what he just did was the equivilant of putting a hot air mass and a cold air mass together to create a thunderstorm: "When an opinion oddball uses critical thinking to attack your indoctrinated beliefs, you get what you feel right now."

It took me a while to understand that not everyone is going to believe that using animals for food (or anything unnecessary, for that matter) is wrong because most people are used to it. They're used to dipping chicken nuggets in ketchup as part of a Happy Meal, used to adverts advertising different meat every fifteen minutes, used to seeing meat on the menu at well-established restaurants.  

If it's everywhere, if it's accepted and widely available, how can it possibly be wrong...right?

I forgot that for nineteen years...that was my life, and I can't expect everyone to see things my way just because I tell them that eating animals is messed up. Instead of trying to shock people or tell them they're shitty people, I need a better approach.

It took me nineteen years to realise that I didn't like what I'd been doing my whole life, so how can I expect people to listen immediately if I don't persuade them to think for themselves?

Of course, people will still get defensive...

"Our ancestors ate meat."

"It's what I'm used to, how can I change."

"That's just the way life is."

I hear this a lot from meat-eaters. But is that really enough to justify anything? Was that argument enough to justify the slave trade?

Sometimes it really helps to think about things you take for granted - just because something is normal doesn't deem it acceptable.

Without critical thought, normalised injustices will prevail.

I Prefer Women, Yet I've Only Had Boyfriends

(Bar one girl about six years ago).

P.S. I use the word ‘women’ and ‘girls’ interchangeably all the time. If this offends you, I’m sorry.

P.P.S. I'm not trying to exclude people of other genders, of no gender, of many genders etc but for all intents and purposes of this post, I'm going to focus on women and men.

~

I've been out and proud for eight years, dating for eleven, and none of my relationships have been long-term but they were pretty much all dudes.

How can this be? Am I in denial about preferring women? Am I lying about being bisexual? Am I scared of women?

All false (aside from the last point which is actually a little true...you'll see what I mean).

So, why am I posting about this? I’m bisexual, so people might think that my lack of female partners is unusual and I want to explore that...plus, a lot of people have misconceptions about what being bisexual means. For e.g. I am not ‘less of a bisexual person’ because of this.

~

To be bisexual, some believe:

• You must like the genders you like equally.

• That you must have experience with more than one gender.

• That it’s just a safety net until you decide which gender you actually like.

Wrong, wrong, and super wrong.

Just to get these out of the way:

• You can be bisexual and have an overwhelming desire for one gender, or be into one just a little more than the others, or like them around about the same...it varies tremendously but by definition, you are still into more than one gender. I still like guys; I’m still bisexual. 

• You don’t need experience with a certain gender to realise that you like them (virgins, back me up here). If I tell you that I’m into someone...you really can’t tell me I can’t be because I’ve never gotten with them. I know me better than you do.

• Finally, yes, some people come out as bi then come out as something else later on, but this is not true for all of us. Sexuality is fluid: a gay person could realise they’re bi, a lesbian could realise they’re straight, a straight person could realise they’re pansexual etc etc...and it could all change again! That doesn’t mean that they were lying, it means their preferences changed, and that's normal, not an 'excuse'.

~

There are a lot more myths, but this isn’t a post to debunk them all, it’s to talk about why my preferences and who I actually get with don’t add up:

Main reason; reason one: I find it a lot easier to come onto guys. I’m more nervous of telling a girl I’m into her. Why? Women generally intimidate me BECAUSE I find them so attractive. I still get nervous and shaky and all that junk, okay...

Reason two: it’s a lot harder for me to tell when women are into me. I find it very hard to figure out if a girl is flirting, but if it’s a guy, I can usually spot it a mile off. This is personal experience, I’m not stereotyping by any means. I’ve just found girls to be a lot flirtier (in an innocent, platonic way) with their friends as opposed to guys.

Reason three: for a large part of my life, I assumed that everyone is straight until proven otherwise, which is a horribly heteronormative idea and one which I find myself doing even now. I’m trying to move past that though because I hate when people assume I'm straight.

~

Things that people might be thinking:

I was recently asked if it’s awkward or weird for me to date a guy when I prefer girls.

Not at all. Vanilla milkshake is my favourite, but if I end up with strawberry...I am not gonna complain – I still like strawberry! Maybe that was a horrible example but I can’t think of a better one right now.

Basically, no, I still really like the guy I’m with at the time, more than anyone.

But, I would still prefer a girl over them, right?

If you ask me this question when I currently don’t fancy anyone, then yeah, I’d prefer to get with a girl if I was into them. But if I’m really into a guy at the time, no-one else matters. If you’re a dude, and you get with me, I like you more than ANYONE; you da awesome-ist.

If a girl came along whilst I was with a guy, would I ditch the guy?

Sadly...this is what a lot of bisexual people are thought to be like, whether they prefer a certain gender or not. No I would not! Unless I happen to fall for her and like her MORE than the guy I’m seeing. But this can be said for anyone of any sexuality – if you fell for someone more than your current partner, and weren’t a cheater or in denial, you’d feel uncomfortable in your relationship and want out, right? Trying to get over someone whilst you're with someone else is not really my thing.

Am I ‘settling’ when I choose a guy over a girl?

Hell no. Listen, I still like guys. I would still be happy with a guy. I LIKE GUYS. It’s not like I have a choice between a guy and a girl but I choose the guy because the girl’s too intimidating. I do not like a girl and a guy at the same time and choose the guy. I just happen to mostly get with guys because of the three reasons I mentioned previously.

Did I prefer the one girl I got together with over the guys? No. I got with a girl who I really liked, just as I got with the guys who I really liked. Same deal. How much I liked her would have to depend on how deeply I fell for her, not her gender.

It sounds like you like them equally but just go for guys more. No. See first sentence of second point.

Will I get with a guy again next time or am I sick of guys guys guys? No-one can predict that shit, even if my track record is leaning heavily in one genders' favour.

And no, I'm not sick of guys. If I find someone I really really like, I don't care what gender they are, I care about them.

Does this actually matter at all? Just get with who you want, who cares? I agree 100%, but for a while I wondered why it was 'mismatched', so it was fun to analyze.

More importantly, getting the word out about bisexuality is always useful because many people don't understand or believe it exists....so I may as well use myself as an example, being a reliable source on bisexuality and all.

~

If you think this is all bullshit no matter what, that's up to you, but like I said, I know myself so much better than you.

~

The end! Any more questions?

Black Skin, White Identity

This blog post is inspired by Ray Jasper, a black man sentenced to the death penalty at 15 who will be executed on March 19th in Texas.

He sent a letter to Hamilton Nolan from Gawker detailing his views on the prison system, the death penalty, capitalism, and black youths. In this seven-page letter, he raises some incredibly important and relevant issues, but I want to write about what struck me most - being black when the people who sentence you, people who judge you, people who teach you etc are almost always white.

I think that it's vital for me to speak about this subject because, even though I am not a US citizen like Jasper, I have felt the same loss of identity as he has in the sense that....for many years, I identified more with white people than black people.

Note: I don't care what Ray Jasper has or has not done and whether he 'deserves' the death penalty, this isn't about that, this is about a black man releasing some serious truth bombs about black people in general.

Also, read the last sentence of this post to see that I am not painting all black people with the same brush, I am speaking for myself and others like myself.

I, like every black person in the same or similar culture as myself, see white people all the time. We see white people falling in love, becoming heroes or heroines, kicking ass, but most significantly...we see white people looking down on black people. What do you think the effect is on us when we see people who we identify with looking down on people like us, people who we SHOULD be identifying with? It turns black against black, it makes us think badly of ourselves, it makes us want to discard our black shells and replace them with a white one instead (sometimes more literally - skin beaching, anyone?). And this doesn't always need to happen consciously, it's something that's internalised from a very young age, something we're taught to think about without even realising it.

Imagine being a black child, turning on the TV, and seeing very little role models who actually look like you. I used to think that it wasn't important what colour a role model was, so long as they had good morals and good ideas ...but I've had a rethink. Yes, anyone who is a good role model is extremely good to have in the public eye...but it is so so important for black kids to see more people who look like them who AREN'T being treated unfavourably. Why black people specifically? Because our culture has been wiped out since the 1700s (and beyond, I'm sure) and by the same country we live in, and we still haven't gotten that back (obviously other racial minorities need some serious attention, but I am coming at this from a black woman's POV; I can't cover, and it isn't always my right to cover, every single oppressed person or race).

Right.

Ray Jasper commented on how many black people were in jail when he was sentenced. How many of us think that black people, black men especially, are the worst offenders of the law? I did. Why? Racial profiling/racist police, black people growing up thinking that they're destined to be criminals, that it's in their DNA, black people rebelling against an unfair system that favours white people and being punished for it. More black people in prison does not mean that more black people commit crimes worthy of a prison sentence or are born to be criminals.

A quote from Ray Jasper's letter:

I'm not trying to play the race card, I'm looking at the roots of why so many young blacks are locked up. The odds are stacked against us, we suffer from an identity crisis, and we're being targeted more, instead of taught better. Ask any young black person their views on the Police, I assure you their response will not be positive. Yet if you have something against the Police, who represent the government, you cannot sit on a trial jury.

Police forces are up to 28 times more likely to use stop-and-search powers against black people than white people and may be breaking the law

I am not saying that black 'heroes' are non-existent, but they pale in comparison to the amount of white ones. The different between the two? A black kid is more likely to think, 'Hey, I can do that too!' if they see a black person who is a positive influence. If they see a white person, they're less likely to think that, that's my view. The post I did recently about feeling a strong sense of identity with Lupita Nyong'o....this is what I'm talking about, I've never felt so strongly about my own identity before, and it's really not the same coming from someone who has never felt it first-hand, and we need more black people to tell us that we are capable of just as much as white people.

Speaking of: spare me, 'I kind of know how it feels to be black because I also face oppression' because you need to reassess yourself and sit down. You may feel like you know how it feels if you're of another (or several) minority groups, if you have a black friend, if you've read all about black identity, but you don't. Even if you've been made to feel self-conscious or bad about your race for a day, a week, or on a social networking site, please don't think that gives you the right to tell us that you know how it feels for us who live with internal and external racism every day. You are allowed to feel oppressed or victimised, you are allowed to be supportive, and you are allowed to say, 'I imagine that that feels awful'...just don't compare it to how I feel because you're not black so you will never know how it feels to be black. Period. That's what I'm getting at, this is why we need more black people to speak out and be those role models that I didn't really grow up with.

If you're someone who complains about not having a white history month to be on equal ground with us....I can't even rearrange my thoughts coherently to explain why this is obviously a stupid thought process, just educate yourself on why black history month exists, please.

I feel like I deviated slightly in my excitement, but the bottom line is: we need more successful black people in the public eye and, even better, we need more black people in the public eye WHO WILL TALK ABOUT black identity in a positive, encouraging manner.

I can't speak for all black people when I say these things, some may already feel empowered and comfortable in their own skin/culture and that is really awesome, but I am speaking for people who have felt the same as me...because there are other me's out there, and that's a fact.

"Slut Shaming"

I hate the term 'slut' actually, it's only in the title so that people instantly know what I'm talking about (and it's in quotes so I feel a lot more separated from the term).

This shouldn't even need a blog post, but I am very aware that some people still think that women dress a certain way solely to attract attention. Some find it contradictory that a woman doesn't want lots of attention yet wears clothing that will attract attention.

'Ironic Slut Sally'

I can understand the thinking behind it....but not all women wear short skirts or low-cut tops for the attention of other men, believe it or not.

How did I come to this unfathomable conclusion?

Think of it like this:

• Woman picks out an outfit that she loves, makes her feel like a million bucks
• Woman knows that such an outfit may get her unwanted attention
• Woman wears outfit anyway

Why does the woman do this if she knows that she'll more than likely get stares, maybe even harassed?

Because she loves the outfit.

How a woman dresses should not be limited because of someone's ELSE'S thoughts about the outfit.

How a woman dresses should not warrant verbal or physical assault. Ever.

What matters is how the wearer of the outfit feels.

Imagine that you wanted to wear your favourite pair of jeans but I said that I didn't like them and that people might make fun of you. Would you think it a more logical idea for people to punish you for not listening to reason, or to punish the people who are doing the bullying?

Stop telling women to limit what they wear, instead: tell others to be respectful of a woman's decision to wear what she wants. That is how you stop this. Not by telling women to cover up. That doesn't stop anything.

Race; Lupita Nyong'o

Lupita Nyong'o

For a very long time in my life, I avoided anything to do with my race: 'black' music, 'black' slang, black history....I even felt uncomfortable with saying "I am black" or identifying with other black people unless they were already my friends.

I didn't want to be black, I wanted to be like all of my other, prettier friends. They had beautiful, long, flowing hair and looked like angels compared to me, I thought. I would rather be a very mediocre-looking white girl than an above-average black girl. But I didn't know that back then....well, more like I refused to accept it.

When I was younger, I knew that I was avoiding anything to do with my skin colour, but I never admitted it to myself or anyone else. I covered it up in excuses, saying that it wasn't my fault that I grew up in a culture surrounded by white people...so how else was I supposed to act? I straighten my hair but so what? It's easier to handle. I prefer white dolls to black because that's just what's available. These things involved some truth, but I would always avoid thinking about any ulterior motives.

I am 24-years-old and I only started feeling secure about my skin colour in my 24th year, and I'm still not totally there yet.

Black = inferior, ugly, undesired.

How horrible does that look? But that's what my mind was polluted with.

I hated black, I hated myself. I wanted to be lighter, I wanted to get away from dark.

This eagerly brings me to Lupita Nyong'o.

This speech by Lupita about wanting to be lighter when she was younger, about praying to God to wake up lighter several times a night, about seeing white people everywhere and feeling ugly.....I felt this; I felt this hard.

It wasn't until she saw Alek Wek, a dark-skinned, supermodel that she felt comfort in her own skin.

In the video, Lupita shares her experiences and encourages people who feel the same to realise that they are beautiful, no matter how dark they are.

This is the most inspirational speech I think I've ever seen about race. By existing in the public eye as a very dark skinned, beautiful, talented (talent that is recognised by the masses) woman...she's already showing black girls that skin colour doesn't always hold you back, but to make a speech about it was incredibly important.

Girls of colour have it tough - not only are we bombarded with the 'perfect body' that everyone else is, we're also over-exposed to white skin, white features, white beauty.

It's a white world. A lot of black celebrities are lightened up, whether that's with photo manipulation or skin lightening products...so for Lupita, dark as she is, to speak out about this puts my own (and many other black girls') skin colour into perspective. I am lighter than Lupita, but that doesn't mean that I'm happy to be lighter anymore, I'm happy to be black.

She has proven that black can be incredibly, mindblowingly beautiful.

Lupita knows first-hand how much this will mean to us; it's her turn to carry the torch and bring warmth to the heart of every insecure black girl out there...because, shit, we really need it sometimes, more than people seem to realise.

So, thank you Lupita Nyong'o. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.