P.S. I use the word ‘women’ and ‘girls’ interchangeably all the time. If this offends you, I’m sorry.
P.P.S. I'm not trying to exclude people of other genders, of no gender, of many genders etc but for all intents and purposes of this post, I'm going to focus on women and men.
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I've been out and proud for eight years, dating for eleven, and none of my relationships have been long-term but they were pretty much all dudes.
How can this be? Am I in denial about preferring women? Am I lying about being bisexual? Am I scared of women?
All false (aside from the last point which is actually a little true...you'll see what I mean).
So, why am I posting about this? I’m bisexual, so people might think that my lack of female partners is unusual and I want to explore that...plus, a lot of people have misconceptions about what being bisexual means. For e.g. I am not ‘less of a bisexual person’ because of this.
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To be bisexual, some believe:
- You must like the genders you like equally.
- That you must have experience with more than one gender.
- That it’s just a safety net until you decide which gender you actually like.
Wrong, wrong, and super wrong.
Just to get these out of the way:
- You can be bisexual and have an overwhelming desire for one gender, or be into one just a little more than the others, or like them around about the same...it varies tremendously but by definition, you are still into more than one gender. I still like guys; I’m still bisexual.
- You don’t need experience with a certain gender to realise that you like them (virgins, back me up here). If I tell you that I’m into someone...you really can’t tell me I can’t be because I’ve never gotten with them. I know me better than you do.
- Finally, yes, some people come out as bi then come out as something else later on, but this is not true for all of us. Sexuality is fluid: a gay person could realise they’re bi, a lesbian could realise they’re straight, a straight person could realise they’re pansexual etc etc...and it could all change again! That doesn’t mean that they were lying, it means their preferences changed, and that's normal, not an 'excuse'.
There are a lot more myths, but this isn’t a post to debunk them all, it’s to talk about why my preferences and who I actually get with don’t add up:
Main reason; reason one: I find it a lot easier to come onto guys. I’m more nervous of telling a girl I’m into her. Why? Women generally intimidate me BECAUSE I find them so attractive. I still get nervous and shaky and all that junk, okay...
Reason two: it’s a lot harder for me to tell when women are into me. I find it very hard to figure out if a girl is flirting, but if it’s a guy, I can usually spot it a mile off. This is personal experience, I’m not stereotyping by any means. I’ve just found girls to be a lot flirtier (in an innocent, platonic way) with their friends as opposed to guys.
Reason three: for a large part of my life, I assumed that everyone is straight until proven otherwise, which is a horribly heteronormative idea and one which I find myself doing even now. I’m trying to move past that though because I hate when people assume I'm straight.
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Things that people might be thinking:
I was recently asked if it’s awkward or weird for me to date a guy when I prefer girls.
Not at all. Vanilla milkshake is my favourite, but if I end up with strawberry...I am not gonna complain – I still like strawberry! Maybe that was a horrible example but I can’t think of a better one right now.
Basically, no, I still really like the guy I’m with at the time, more than anyone.
But, I would still prefer a girl over them, right?
If you ask me this question when I currently don’t fancy anyone, then yeah, I’d prefer to get with a girl if I was into them. But if I’m really into a guy at the time, no-one else matters. If you’re a dude, and you get with me, I like you more than ANYONE; you da awesome-ist.
If a girl came along whilst I was with a guy, would I ditch the guy?
Sadly...this is what a lot of bisexual people are thought to be like, whether they prefer a certain gender or not. No I would not! Unless I happen to fall for her and like her MORE than the guy I’m seeing. But this can be said for anyone of any sexuality – if you fell for someone more than your current partner, and weren’t a cheater or in denial, you’d feel uncomfortable in your relationship and want out, right? Trying to get over someone whilst you're with someone else is not really my thing.
Am I ‘settling’ when I choose a guy over a girl?
Hell no. Listen, I still like guys. I would still be happy with a guy. I LIKE GUYS. It’s not like I have a choice between a guy and a girl but I choose the guy because the girl’s too intimidating. I do not like a girl and a guy at the same time and choose the guy. I just happen to mostly get with guys because of the three reasons I mentioned previously.
Did I prefer the one girl I got together with over the guys? No. I got with a girl who I really liked, just as I got with the guys who I really liked. Same deal. How much I liked her would have to depend on how deeply I fell for her, not her gender.
It sounds like you like them equally but just go for guys more. No. See first sentence of second point.
Will I get with a guy again next time or am I sick of guys guys guys? No-one can predict that shit, even if my track record is leaning heavily in one genders' favour.
And no, I'm not sick of guys. If I find someone I really really like, I don't care what gender they are, I care about them.
Does this actually matter at all? Just get with who you want, who cares? I agree 100%, but for a while I wondered why it was 'mismatched', so it was fun to analyze.
More importantly, getting the word out about bisexuality is always useful because many people don't understand or believe it exists....so I may as well use myself as an example, being a reliable source on bisexuality and all.
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If you think this is all bullshit no matter what, that's up to you, but like I said, I know myself so much better than you.
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The end! Any more questions?
