New blog!

I thought that I needed a different platform, so I've switched to Wordpress. I won't be posting here anymore, so for the same sort of content:

smallwomanbigvoice.wordpress.com

What If A Trans Person Doesn't 'Pass'?

Earlier today, Laverne Cox wrote a post on Tumblr celebrating Caitlyn Jenner appearing on the cover of Vanity Fair with the caption 'Call Me Caitlyn'.

I echo her statements when I say that yes, this is awesome, yes, she looks fantastic, but looking like a beautiful woman is not all there is to her.

I'm not accusing everyone who thinks that Caitlyn is beautiful, but women who look like women and men who look like men do not get as much trouble as those who don't (when I say 'look like', I mean what we as a society expect men and women to look like).

As a rule, people are more accepted if they conform to what is expected of their gender. Two trans friends of mine experienced hostility for not presenting in the way that people would have preferred:

One friend says that people didn't start accepting him as him until he started 'looking like' a guy. '[N]o body used male pronouns in my life until I had top surgery' and 'people used to tell me all of the time I was still a girl until I dressed the part' he remembers.

Another friend was in a bar and some people she knew from school came in. When they saw her, they insisted on calling her by her birth name, even when told otherwise. Refusing to recognise her gender, and being rather rowdy about it, they were thrown out by bar staff.

If Caitlyn was on the front cover looking masculine, would she still get as much support as she's getting now, or would more people ridicule her for trying to be 'something that she's not'?

Taken from the aformentioned blog post, Laverne Cox says:

[I]n certain lighting, at certain angles I am able to embody certain cisnormative beauty standards. Now, there are many trans folks because of genetics and/or lack of material access who will never be able to embody these standards. More importantly many trans folks don’t want to embody them

The sentiment is also echoed in this Guardian article entitled 'Do you applaud Caitlyn Jenner because she is brave, or because she's pretty?' (bold text is my own):

If we accept her in part because she fits into our understanding of the gender binary, then we’re celebrating not just her transition but her economic privilege and her allegiance to a beauty standard that, for non-trans, cisgender women, may mean being more desired or liked, but for trans women is often an insurmountable barrier to being considered women at all.

In other words, some people will refuse to see trans women as women unless they 'look like' women.

If a masculine-looking person came up to you and you found out that their gender is female. Would you believe them?

If a masculine-looking person came up to you and you found out that their gender is male. Would you believe them?

Ask yourself why in both cases.

If you see someone who 'looks like' a women in the street, when you refer to them, do you say 'she'? Why? Has that person told you their gender?

Since becoming aware of trans issues, it's something I notice all the time, but find it hard to call people out on. I wrote a story detailing my frustrations of people who think they know someone's gender just by looking, and I have said a few things, but it will keep happening all the time unless we bring it up and explain why it's not okay to blindly assume someone's gender.

In conclusion, if a trans person does not look like their gender, so what? Have the decency to respect them and their gender identity; they know more about themselves than you ever will.

P.S. If you don't know someone's gender, it's easy to refer to them as 'they' or 'the person wearing/looking at/with the...' That's what I try (and still sometimes fail) to do. If someone knows of a better/easier way to handle this, please share!