New blog!

I thought that I needed a different platform, so I've switched to Wordpress. I won't be posting here anymore, so for the same sort of content:

smallwomanbigvoice.wordpress.com

What If A Trans Person Doesn't 'Pass'?

Earlier today, Laverne Cox wrote a post on Tumblr celebrating Caitlyn Jenner appearing on the cover of Vanity Fair with the caption 'Call Me Caitlyn'.

I echo her statements when I say that yes, this is awesome, yes, she looks fantastic, but looking like a beautiful woman is not all there is to her.

I'm not accusing everyone who thinks that Caitlyn is beautiful, but women who look like women and men who look like men do not get as much trouble as those who don't (when I say 'look like', I mean what we as a society expect men and women to look like).

As a rule, people are more accepted if they conform to what is expected of their gender. Two trans friends of mine experienced hostility for not presenting in the way that people would have preferred:

One friend says that people didn't start accepting him as him until he started 'looking like' a guy. '[N]o body used male pronouns in my life until I had top surgery' and 'people used to tell me all of the time I was still a girl until I dressed the part' he remembers.

Another friend was in a bar and some people she knew from school came in. When they saw her, they insisted on calling her by her birth name, even when told otherwise. Refusing to recognise her gender, and being rather rowdy about it, they were thrown out by bar staff.

If Caitlyn was on the front cover looking masculine, would she still get as much support as she's getting now, or would more people ridicule her for trying to be 'something that she's not'?

Taken from the aformentioned blog post, Laverne Cox says:

[I]n certain lighting, at certain angles I am able to embody certain cisnormative beauty standards. Now, there are many trans folks because of genetics and/or lack of material access who will never be able to embody these standards. More importantly many trans folks don’t want to embody them

The sentiment is also echoed in this Guardian article entitled 'Do you applaud Caitlyn Jenner because she is brave, or because she's pretty?' (bold text is my own):

If we accept her in part because she fits into our understanding of the gender binary, then we’re celebrating not just her transition but her economic privilege and her allegiance to a beauty standard that, for non-trans, cisgender women, may mean being more desired or liked, but for trans women is often an insurmountable barrier to being considered women at all.

In other words, some people will refuse to see trans women as women unless they 'look like' women.

If a masculine-looking person came up to you and you found out that their gender is female. Would you believe them?

If a masculine-looking person came up to you and you found out that their gender is male. Would you believe them?

Ask yourself why in both cases.

If you see someone who 'looks like' a women in the street, when you refer to them, do you say 'she'? Why? Has that person told you their gender?

Since becoming aware of trans issues, it's something I notice all the time, but find it hard to call people out on. I wrote a story detailing my frustrations of people who think they know someone's gender just by looking, and I have said a few things, but it will keep happening all the time unless we bring it up and explain why it's not okay to blindly assume someone's gender.

In conclusion, if a trans person does not look like their gender, so what? Have the decency to respect them and their gender identity; they know more about themselves than you ever will.

P.S. If you don't know someone's gender, it's easy to refer to them as 'they' or 'the person wearing/looking at/with the...' That's what I try (and still sometimes fail) to do. If someone knows of a better/easier way to handle this, please share!

I Didn't Vote

Saying such a thing so close to when the Conservative Party won the General Election (spoiler alert), is akin kneeing someone in the nuts right now.

People are offended, let down, and angry at my choice not to engage in the election, and I can see why, but I don't regret my choice...at least, not right now.

I want to explain why I didn't vote, but I also think that voting is extremely important. That looks like a huge contradiction, I'm aware, but hear me out.

I didn't vote because I thought that I didn't have enough knowledge about the parties, the party leaders, what they've done in the past etc to make an informed and well-thought-out decision. That was a big deal for me - if I don't feel that I have enough knowledge about anything, whether it be voting for a political party, for someone to win a competition, for me to state something without proper facts....I usually step back.

I think that voting is important for the many reasons that people have given me to vote: when given a voice, we should use it; we have the right to a say on what happens to our country; regardless of anything, someone is going to win, so you may as well vote for someone who you think would do the most good/the least amount of damage.

Now, let me list a few of the arguments against my non-vote, followed by my own retorts (these are not verbatim).

Side-note: please remember that I am in the process of deciding whether I made the right decision or not, so some of what I write will not be totally committed one way or the other. I will try to be consistent, though.

Let's go:

Women fought for your right to vote and as a woman yourself, it's an insult to the women who died

This is the argument that annoys me the most. I am a feminist, and as such, I more than appreciate what the suffragettes did for my gender. I believe that everyone should be given the right to vote. What I DON'T believe is that everyone should vote (especially if they really don't want to). Does that make sense?

Someone fighting for my right to do something is amazing and I commend them for it, but that doesn't mean that I SHOULD do it. I have the right to do a lot of things that I don't want to do right now, like get married to another woman.

It doesn't take long to learn about it - there are so many resources out there, so not knowing enough is a poor excuse

This one makes way more sense to me and a week ago, I would have agreed wholeheartedly.

See, I was reading through the manifesto summaries, I was going to complete the quiz on voteforpolicies.org.uk to see which policies matched up with my opinions, I knew for a fact that I could Google a bit and get more info. So why didn't I?

An opinion from someone else made me think, 'Hold on...how can I possibly learn about all of this properly by doing a bit of research? I have no real idea about these parties, whether to go with a strategy, [anything from the third paragraph], so I'll leave it 'til the next election and start the learning process ASAP.' I thought that I wasn't going to be informed enough. Maybe I was wrong, I'm still deciding where I stand on that.

Additionally, say that my lack of knowledge led me to vote for a party who, with more knowledge, I would have been 100% against? Yes, people are allowed to make mistakes, so go ahead and vote when you're unsure if you think it's the right thing to do, but people are also allowed to do otherwise.

Spoiling your ballot would have been much better than not voting at all

I agree that you make a huge statement when you decide to spoil your ballot, and I actually admire those who are against the system and decide to spoil their ballot. However, I do not think that my reason for not voting would warrant a spoiling. Going to the poll station and writing 'I have no idea' or similar I see as no better than sitting at home and thinking 'I have no idea'.

However, granted, it would mean that I would have counted as the percentage of people who voted, which would mean that I made a contribution to the amount of voters. So on that point, I totally see the value in that.

Non-voters seem lazy and apathetic

....But I know that I'm not lazy or apathetic, so why should what people assume make a difference in the way that I act? I was lazy for not learning enough, yes, but not for deciding not to vote.

It's your duty as a UK citizen to vote

See now, there's a difference between a duty and something that is very important.

I think that everyone should definitely consider voting but only if they think it's something that should do. Maybe you're an anarchist who doesn't believe in the system we have or have been wronged by the government in general...if you think you're making the right choice, fine. People are free to disagree with anyone, but no-one should be able to tell anyone what to do, unless it's directly causing harm to other beings, that's my philosophy. Could me not voting come under that category? Debatable.

I don't think that I hurt anyone by not voting aside from those who took offence, but, it's true that my vote could have saved people from a horrible political party. But (I'm about to be 'that' person), my vote as an individual would probably have counted for nothing and the bottom line is that I thought that I was making the right decision. You can decide if I was wrong, but you cannot say that I need to vote because it was my decision not to.

How are you going to contribute to change if you don't vote?

I'm not, not this sense anyway, and that's a shame (which is why I feel bad for not following politics as well as I think I should have). But I would rather not vote due to indecision than vote for someone I know next to nothing (in my opinion) about.

Well then you can't moan about whichever party gets in

I am still on the fence about this. I don't think I have a right to complain about the voters, but I'm still allowed to complain about the Conservatives. Why? Because look at it this way - is someone who voted the Tories in allowed to complain about a policy they disagree with? I think so, especially if they didn't know about certain policies beforehand. This leads back to my lack of knowledge - I didn't have sufficient knowledge for ANY party,

I'm disappointed in you

Me too, because of my reason for not voting, not because I didn't vote.

--

I probably would have voted if there was an 'unsure' option on my postal vote, but there wasn't. Is that an excuse? No, but it's still what I think.

This goes out to everyone: if you don't think that voting is right for you and that you would be going against your beliefs by voting, you have everything right to abstain. 

Use your voting privilege the way that YOU want to use it.

What is Gender, Anyway?

I am someone who believes that gender is determined by society, not biology.

I do not think that hormones, sex organs, or chromosomes make a person male or female. Furthermore, I don't believe that male or female are the only genders (I mean, that would invalidate gender-neutral and gender-queer people).

How do we decide someone's gender, usually? Rather than wait until the baby is old enough to decide how they feel, we will look between a newborn's legs and make a conclusion solely based on what they look like. If the sex organ they find is ambiguous, usually doctors will decide along with parents to tweak them to make it look more 'normal'.

In conclusion, since gender is not something that is fixed from birth and has the ability to change...what does it mean to be male or female? I am not excluding other genders here, I just want to use the two as examples since they are the ones we're always referring to.

I've already established that having a vagina/breasts/a uterus etc doesn't make me female....so what does? How feminine I am? But wait, I'm stuck there too because there are many females who are what we would call 'masculine' and that doesn't invalidate their gender. And if it did, it would be a pretty closed-minded way to look at gender. People who can't accept males/females because they don't fit certain genders is how homophobia, misogyny, and bullying in general are reinforced.

So, what is gender, and how is it established? I identify as female, because I feel female, but I don't even know what that means anymore.

Is gender real? I'm not sure. Can something that is determined solely by society ever be absolute?

I'm interested to hear what other people have to say on this.

Additional question: When someone says they prefer a certain gender, what do they mean?

I used to define my preference for women as 'people with vaginas', but now I realise that that can cover pretty much anyone of any gender identity (or lack thereof). It COULD mean people who are feminine, but as I said before, not everyone who is feminine will be female.

My Confession: Not Dating Black People

Her love takes me onto the noble road that leads to total realization…

I marry white culture, white beauty, white whiteness.

When my restless hands caress those white breasts, they grasp white civilization and dignity and make them mine.

This is a quote from a chapter entitled 'The Man of Colour and the White Woman' in Black Skin White Masks, a book by Frantz Fanon. The previous chapter concerns 'The Woman of Colour and the White Man'.

Both of these chapters managed to reach inside my chest and squeeze something tight, not only because these people were my ancestors, but because I have experienced an inferiority complex of a similar degree.

The difference between myself and the black people mentioned, aside from the severity of their internalised racism, is that they appeared to be very aware of it. They knew that they thought white was superior, and they admitted it freely because society preached it so overtly. Sure, there were some cases of denial - mixed race women insisting that they were white, black men being told that because they grew up in France like whites, they were not 'Negro' like Africans. Regardless, the hatred was more prevalent for them. For me? No so much.

From the ages of about 11-22, I didn't want any association with blackness. Merely saying the word 'black' when referring to my race was difficult. As such, my choice of partners was always, and still remains, white (though it's becoming more incidental than intentional). When it was mentioned by my family, I insisted that it had nothing to do with skin colour, I just 'liked who I liked'. That wasn't the whole truth.

White skin was not the only quota that people had to fill to be worthy of my affection, but if someone were to put two people in front of me, one black one white, who had the same personality that complimented mine, the white person would have to be physically unattractive for me to choose the black person (and even then, I'd probably still go for the white person).


Let me reiterate: a mediocre-looking white person would have been more appealing to me than a physically average, maybe even attractive (though I would always dismiss any attraction I felt to them), black person. This is how much I was captivated by the white culture around me.

Yeah.

I am more self-reflective/-critical now than I have ever been, but I have never admitted my 'preferences' like this until now because it is so obviously racist, and no-one likes to be called - or thought of as - racist. I talk about preferences for certain races in a recent article actually, which made me re-consider my past attitudes to the people I dated.

One thing that struck me when reading Black Skin White Masks were the black women who wanted a white man to feel accepted, like it was some sort of initiation test that they needed to pass in order to qualify as human ('human' meaning 'civilised', meaning 'white', according to the book). Now, I have never thought of it this way but it wouldn't surprise me if that was what influenced me, too.

Where I'm at now?

I am proud to be black, and I no longer shy to say that I am a black woman. What's a shame is that I don't actually know very much about my history as I think I should, but I'm gaining more insight into my past almost daily since my dissertation topic is black people in a white society!

I like learning about the history of black people and racism, combating current racist ideology, and doing as much as I can to feel confident in this skin. I think this all came about from spending time on Tumblr and seeing all of the self-love coming from certain blogs, especially ones that emphasised black beauty in its many forms (dark/light skinned, a range of sizes etc).

Yes, I still have some personal issues and thought processes regarding how I see black people, but it's in no way as bad as it used to be, which is definite progress.

What I need to keep reminding myself is that not everyone who is black will look or act a certain way, so avoiding them or saying I won't date them is foolish, misguided, and, above all, racist.

Even though I'm feeling increasingly comfortable with my (white) boyfriend right now, it doesn't mean that I don't need to bother with thinking progressively about the issue, because thoughts like that are toxins that need to be flushed out of my system.

I'll probably be writing more posts regarding insecurities and confessions because getting stuff out in the open like this helps me to evolve as person. I've had some depressing thoughts about myself and others that I like to air out by confronting directly. Not only does it help me, it helps others too!

Admitting your faults is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of progression and inner strength!

'Is It ‘Racist’ To Have An Attraction To Certain Races?'

Is the title of my latest article on My Student Style.

I explore why many excuses about preferring/not preferring certain races tend to be misguided and why. I also ask if it's ever possible to have innocent preferences for a race and not others.

If you wish to discuss this idea with me, by all means, contact me and we'll have a chit chat.

--

I've been writing for MSS for a few months, but I'm only just starting to find my feet and figure out what I really want to write about. I started writing in the 'sex and relationships' section, but what I really want to do (on the site and for life), is to spread awareness about things I'm interested in, things that I know need  to be discussed.

These interests are all linked by one common factor - social injustices.

I'm going to talk more about my motivation and ambition in another blog post but just as a head's up, I'll be writing a lot about things that I know need to be thought about and changed for, I believe, everyone's benefit, whether they fit into the categories I talk about or not.

So go check it out, and I'll be back soon with another blog post about what I'm interested in writing about, why, and my experiences that influence my passions.

Black People Don't Have 'Good' Hair?

'Unprofessional', 'nappy', 'untidy', 'difficult to manage', 'bad'...these are just a selection of words I have heard to describe a black person's natural hair state. By 'natural hair', I mean hair that hasn't been tampered with either by straightening/perming/relaxing, or hasn't been covered with a wig or weave. It's much less likely to find a black woman with natural hair nowadays.

Straight hair is preferred by a large portion of the black community because many believe that it genuinely looks nicer and is easier to manage. However, the sacrifices that people make to attain straighter hair can be extreme to say the least - scalp burn, hair loss, breakage, scabbing, and of course over-spending (black women make up only a few percent of the US population but are involved in 80% of the hair market*) are very common results when people opt for chemically straightened - or as we term it, 'relaxed' - hair.

Why would anyone ever want to do this to themselves for something as superficial as hair? Because 'natural hair' is looked down upon by many, can be a source of ridicule and racism, and a potential hindrance when job searching.


I watched an episode of the Tyra Banks show and it explains it completely - it's a real eye-opener for people of any race, especially those who are not black. The 80% statistic* comes from there.

Children and adults from the show explain how straight, glossy hair makes them feel better because they can swish it, they feel more confident, and they don't get bullied.

Going back into black history, two guests explain how slaves who had 'good' hair, i.e. hair that wasn't as coarse, had more of a chance of being freed when their master died or may have been more likely to be house slaves which was the better of two evils. So for them, it wasn't a 'my hair looks cute' thing, it was literally survival, and they believe that what we feel now is leftover from that.

Please please please check it out, it was interesting the whole way through:

I stopped relaxing my hair about two years ago because I didn't think that it was vegan, but there's no way I'd go back now. I won't be giving up my hot irons or blow dryer any time soon, but I don't need to damage my hair/scalp to that extent again.

(an hour or so post-relaxer)

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 (not straightened in maybe a week or two)

It's usually a comfortable medium, which I am very pleased with!

I cried when I gave up my relaxer - the idea of not having hair that straight for the amount of years I had it was overwhelming, but I've learned to love my hair, even when it starts to frizz up a little bit (bottom picture is not desirable for me, however!)!

No matter what you do to your hair, it doesn't take away from you being black at all, but don't believe that long, straight hair is the best. 

'Good' hair should only be used to describe healthy hair!

Watch Chris Rock's film/documentary called 'Good Hair' to find out even more about this, if you like!

Plastic Surgery to Look 'White'?

"With images of white beauty so dominant around the world, the pressure to conform is immense."

This quote comes from the second episode of  'Bleach, Nip, Tuck: The White Beauty Myth' and it really hit home.

For most of my life, I wanted to be white because I thought white people were prettier. It was so bad that it made me cringe to self-identify as black. Did I ever admit this? No way. Not to myself or anyone else. I hid all of my insecurities whilst posing at angles that made my nose look thinner and straightening my hair. I've been doing things like that ever since I was a child, I'm twenty-five now. I've never wanted surgery, but that doesn't take away the same self-destructive mindset that a lot of non-white people express.

"To fit into this society, you've got to look a bit more sort of, European." -- Jet

Another person in the documentary, Mun, says that, as an aspiring model, he believes that he will succeed more if he gets rid of his Asian features so he wants surgery. Is there some truth in it?

The images of white beauty are constant. Simple unscientific exercise - Google the world 'beauty' and the images are overtaken by pale skin, even the minorities included in the search look white-passing which is almost just as bad.

People can say (and they would be correct) that there are very famous people of different races who are also beautiful, successful etc but the number is low compared to that of their white counterparts.

I'm sure that the intention is not to isolate people who are not white or white-passing but well-meaning intentions mean nothing if the result is bad.

You cannot blame these people for feeling insecure, you need to look at what's causing  the - very recurring - problem in the first place and try to remedy it. How? There should be more diversity in the races and skin-types that are prominent in the media so that people like me feel a positive sense of identification. A black character thrown in here and there or in the background is not enough. There are exceptions, but that's usually the case. Obviously this will not solve everything, but it's a step in the right direction.

"I have been affected by growing up in San Diego in a white world. When you look at magazines and TV and the media in the U.S. you see gorgeous women, but you don't see gorgeous Asian women. You see white women because that is how beauty is portrayed in American culture."-- Shin-Yu Wang on Asians who want to emulate a 'whiter' style

This is a very loose theory based off something I read but people often look to the media to find themselves in the people they see....and if all they really see are white people, they may either feel a sense of loss if they're not white, or they want to be like who they see, whether that's thin, long-haired, or pale-skinned/white. I recently saw a picture of a black child looking at Lupita Nyong'o on the cover of Vogue with the caption, 'She just stared for the longest time.'

I talk about race and representation way more in this blog post, and wrote a short poem about it.

Tahira, a Bangladeshi woman in the documentary, talked about feeling discrimination from her own community because she's dark-skinned - Asians prefer lighter skin.

"They like you because you're fair and beautiful. I have a problem - my skin colour is my problem."

With Tahira however, I'm not sure that she wanted to be white, but instead paler. She said she dreams of being white, but is it a race thing or a skin tone thing? I don't know

Even so, members of other ethnic communities see paler skin as better, which is natural among white people, but less so of races who normally have darker skin. Like people trying to imitate photoshopped celebs, we can't 'win'.

[S]kin lighteners are all the rage, with a lighter skin tone being openly acknowledged as being “better” and associated with beauty and intelligence amongst black communities. [x]

I have always...always had a preference for lighter skin, and I'm not alone. I know it's irrational to think that that white is best, completely....yet I still sometimes feel unattractive in my dark skin.

Can I also make a reference to the doll test? Children were given two identical - aside from skin colour - dolls and told to pick the one they liked and the one they didn't like. Guess which doll most of them preferred?

If any child says that their skin is bad because it's dark or that they want to be white....that's enough of a red flag.

People may compare the wish to get surgery to be more European-looking to fat people wishing to be thinner. I understand the link completely, but I find race a bigger issue. It's not easy, but it's possible to change your weight...it is not possible to change your race, no matter what surgeries you get.

As long as white ideals of beauty dominate global culture, many will feel the pressure to alter their ethnic features. -- Bleach, Nip, Tuck: The White Beauty Myth

In this documentary, a black man (after hearing about Jet's desire to surgically alter her 'Caribbean nose') got very defensive, saying that people should be proud of what they look like and that it's foolish to want to look white. People get really angry about this. I can see exactly where he's coming from but at the same time, these people have picked up on racism, white supremacy, maybe even bullying to the point where they'd rather just conform to what everyone else looks like.

Instead of putting these people down, people should be thinking about why so many people around the world feel like this.

I've had a look at the comments about the documentary and people are saying that these people need professional help and that they don't understand why they're doing it. They don't understand because they've never felt it, they find it absurd because they are coming at it from a totally different perspective, especially if they're white and have never experienced racism (please don't go there with 'white people can experience racism' because it's 100% not the same, especially  in this context).

Listen to the person who feels oppressed, don't try to find ways of telling them they're wrong.

On the flip side, people say, 'Love yourself,' and, 'But you're beautiful'.....but it's not always that easy to fix. How can you tell someone who has likely felt the same way for years to suddenly see themselves in a different light? It's a gradual process for the most part, so be patient with them.

I don't think that all ethnic minorities who want a thinner nose, thinner lips, paler skin, double-eyelid surgery etc are doing it to look more Western, so the reasoning behind the preference has to be taken into consideration. However, how many people would be willing to admit that they want to look more Western? Not even that, how many people realise that they want to look more Western? A lot of people may be in denial or so scared to admit it that they make excuses - I definitely did!

Like I already said, it's easy to tell people to love themselves, so I won't. Instead I'll say - the reason why white beauty is promoted so intensely is because the people in power are usually white, it has nothing to do with white being best. Actively seek out examples of beauty and success from your own race and realise that the definition of greatness is not defined as 'white'.

My self-confidence is a lot better than it was and I feel okay posing head-on, acknowledging that yeah, I have a thick nose, but whatever, I look cute sometimes. Suck it, insecurities.

I wanted to talk more about black people who change their hair to escape their natural locks, but soon realised after watching a few things that it needed its own blog post - I'll be writing that later today.

Strong female characters in high school anime?

(And I mean actually strong and well-developed, not a girl who can kick ass and not much else)

Recently, I've been actively avoiding high school anime. Why?

The girls are usually concerned about:

• Bust size
• Not getting fat
• Otherwise looking appealing (for boys)
• BOYS - a lot of their lives revolve around dudes 

And if not....they're often objectified or told they need to be good wife material.

Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu comes to mind immediately.

I used to really like this series until I realised how awful Himeji Mizuki and Shimada Minami - the two main females - are.

Almost everything they do revolves around Kenji, they even try to change themselves in some episodes to suit his tastes. The character development is barely there either - we find out why they've liked Kenji for so long, but that's pretty much it.

Anyway, this isn't about Baka to Test, it's about a high school anime series that actually gets a high rating from me - Kokoro Connect. With a title like that ('kokoro' means 'heart'), I expected a boring, lovey dovey anime and was preparing to drop it within the first ten minutes....but I'm so glad I didn't.

 I'll list the negatives first to try and maintain a balanced argument:

• The only out, queer character's first impression is that of a persistent sexual predator
• It's always the girls who need help/saving, usually by guys (however, when one of the girls gets in real trouble at the end, it's mainly the other girls who rescue her)
• Aoki has asked Yui out more than once instead of respecting her unenthusiam
• There are a couple of 'sexy' scenes but they're there for a reason and it's kept to a minimum, so this is barely even a point
• The ending may have been too perfect? I can't tell - I'm a sucker for soppiness

Positives:

• Very good character development
• Strong female characters, mentally and physically
• Lives not revolving around guys - girls would rather sort their own problems out first
• Free from major stereotyping
• The females all stand up for themselves, even Iori's mother who stood up to her abusive ex-husband

User 'Trollbrotherno1' on myanimelist.net says in their review:

[F]or the genre and medium, this was an amazing job of characterization.

(find the full review here under 'Kokoro Connect')

And that is exactly it - my expectations were exceeded completely. I was blown away by how fleshed-out and strong-willed all three girls were. Not only that, but they all had backstories that explain their personalities. And, shocker - the girls had more character development than the guys! I'd prefer all characters to be well-written, but I'm glad the girls got lots of attention because usually, they're badly written.

We see them evolve into better people; not one of the girls is exactly the same as they were at the beginning, but the guys don't really develop (I guess because nothing was really 'wrong' with them in the first place....? Taichi hurts himself to save other people, but that doesn't change, even in the last episode. Aoki is more considerate of Yui's feelings but only because her issue was brought to everyone's attention).

Here's my review of some of the characters and why they appealed to me so much.

SPOILERS FROM HERE TIL THE END (also, watch the whole show, plus the 4-episode special/final ending - it's very interesting and has an ever-changing supernatural theme throughout).

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We know that Aoki has a thing for Yui but she doesn't want to be with him. Naturally, we figure that it's because she sees him as a friend...but it goes deeper - she's scared of men because she was nearly raped in middle school. Because of this, the furthest they go is when she hugs him.

What I appreciate here is that they didn't push her character to get with anyone - she's still coming to terms with her fear of men, it can't just end with her magically getting over it.

Another thing I appreciate about Yui - she's very strong, physically (even though she's a 'girly girl'), but this doesn't automatically make her bullet-proof. It makes it real for someone strong to also be vulnerable - plus, she gets a lot stronger as her character grows.

Now, onto Iori (and a bit of Taichi)...

I didn't like Iori at the start because she seemed your typical kawaii girl who everyone's encouraged to 'awwww' over. I was mistaken.

Turns out that Iori struggled so much to please every step-father she had that she constantly altered her personality, she even admits that she maintained her bubbly persona in order to live up to everyone's expectations.

She eventually learns, with help from the others (mainly Inaba, the third girl) that living to please others is stupid and she should just be herself. This inspired the line, "I'm done caring about what's normal and what isn't. It's my damn life, and I'm living it any damn way I want." This is one of the most inspiring lines in the show. I am so done with female characters who live their lives to please people, especially guys, and never actually undergo any changes or have the issue addressed by other characters. Iori, I salute you.

Also, Iori is in love with Taichi and it looks like they're going to date for the majority of the show, but when he formally asks her out, she refuses because she knows he's fallen for her "ideal" self, not her actual self. This impressed me because again, it felt realistic and mature.

Another important factor: Taichi handles it well! He doesn't guilt-trip her, call her a bitch, or complain about being in the 'friend zone'; he still admits that he loves her but he moves on and continues to be by her side. The people who ARE mean to her about it get their comeuppance.

Finally, just a quick word on Inaba. In one of the first few episodes, she admits to masturbating to Taichi and it isn't sexualised nor is she demeaned or treated differently. Girls masturbating is still a taboo topic, so I count this as a big deal. The only anime series I've heard of girls admitting to masturbating or doing anything sexual is where the theme is already very sexual.

What I also liked about Inaba is that she admits that she loves Taichi too, but this doesn't completely ruin her friendship with everyone. Instead of getting jealous of Iori, she playfully declares her a rival (unlike in Baka to Test where they both try to outdo each other, cry about it, and get angry at Kenji for speaking to other girls).

Even though the ending was romantic and it has a strong romance theme, the girls' aim was not to get with the guy/s, it was to better themselves as people and combat issues as a team.

That's it, really!

Watch the show, it's a refreshing break from your typical slice-of-life high school anime and it comes with an inspiring moral.

See how I've rated nearly 300 anime series' by checking out myanimelist.net/animelist/Twigglet

Gay Best Friend

Who's ever wanted a gay best friend? Someone to go shopping with, trade secret with, give you fashion tips...a pretty valuable friend to have, right?

...

Why is the idea of a gay best friend so problematic? Many reasons...

1. It assumes gay men act a certain way (TV does this A LOT)
2. It highlights sexual orientation as something of importance beyond anything else about a person
3. It objectifies them, treats them like accessories

Basically, people care about having a gay best friend because they're gay. They care about the sexual orientation more than the person who matters much more.

In the following TED talk - What's Wrong With the Commodification of Gay Men, Mark Pampanin explains why turning someone's sexual orientation into a commodity and why assuming that being gay means x and y is wrong.

Not just that, he also says that being pro-gay has become somewhat of a trend, something to show how progressive and accepting people are.

Are you a gay man? What do you think about the GBF idea? Have you ever been treated this way?