What's Wrong With Rape Jokes?

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I used to think anything passed off as a joke was 'allowed' to be funny. It’s just a joke, right? It's not serious so it’d be silly to take it seriously.

Then I realised that no, not all jokes are funny just because you're expected to laugh.

Let me explain to you why rape, in the context of something as seemingly harmless as a joke, actually causes more harm than good.

A comedian, Chris Dangerfield, wondered why it was okay to joke about murder but as soon as rape is mentioned, it’s dangerous territory. He states, “[H]ang on, it's alright to take a flame thrower to a bunch of people or drop a nuclear bomb on Korea? We can laugh at mass, holocaustic murder.

"But as soon as you mention rape, even in the context of it being simulated on a computer game, people are stuck.” [x]

Whilst jokes about murder (or anything negative that pokes fun at the victim/puts the act in a positive light) can be extremely dodgy, I feel a lot more uncomfortable about rape jokes (when I say 'rape jokes', I always mean jokes that make fun of the victim or the act in a positive way, jokes that show up rapists, that's different).

Why? 

Rape culture.

I’ve had people try to JUSTIFY taking advantage of a girl who’s presented in a certain way, whether she’s in revealing clothing or passed out from drinking too much, both because it’s apparently her own fault and she should know better. What.

There’s no such thing as ‘murder culture’ (or is there? ...no) but ‘rape culture’ is a very real thing. 

Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture.  Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety. [x]

Please read the many examples of what contributes to rape culture in the [x] above because some are extremely prevalent in your society; probably in your brain, too.

People don’t make light of murder in a serious context, but the same can’t be said for rape. People okaying non-consensual behaviour is everywhere: jokes, porn, music, music videos, adverts, and more.

These very public sources often tell women and girls that their body is a free buffet for any guy who wants a bite, whilst simultaneously telling guys that asserting dominance over the media-portrayed submissive woman is what being a real man is all about. This sexist, rape-friendly message is repeated over and over so many times that people will not question it. Not every guy or girl will feel this way, but they are being encouraged to, so it often doesn't get filtered out.

Ever heard pop songs subtly encouraging murder and telling people that it’s alright if they get murdered because they don’t own their life? I haven’t.

Why are non-consensual interactions even being fetishized....? Is it not sexy enough to have sex with someone who also really wants to do it with you?? Why must the person [in these songs and what have you] be presented as unwilling or uncooperative?

Now...how many people think that taking someone’s life isn’t a big deal? Sociopaths? Apathetic, careless threats to society, right?

How many people think that sexually engaging with someone even if they don’t want to isn’t a big deal? A lot of mentally sound people, and that’s a lot scarier – all of those potential, casual sex offenders.

Because of these messages, some men do not take ‘no’ for an answer, they either need to be told several times or might (MIGHT) stop when the girl says that she’s taken by someone else!! It's happened to me several times and it's happened to other women, too.

Like Michael J. Dolan, a comedian who used to tell rape jokes, said: ‘I don't think any one joke is a problem [...] the problem is it's contributing to a culture of misogyny.’ [x] That’s the main issue here, what it contributes to society when it’s being told, not just how bad the actual topic is.

Let me present this website with the title ‘Only Psychos Think Rape is OK...Right?’

Every point is extremely shocking, but here are a few (the first two are from boys AND girls from the ages of 11-14 years old):

‘31% of the boys and 32% of the girls said it was acceptable for a man to rape a woman with past sexual experience’

‘87% of boys and 79% of girls said sexual assault was acceptable if the man and the woman were married’

‘One in 12 admitted to committing acts that met the legal definitions of rape, and 84% of men who committed rape did not label it as rape’

‘43% of college-aged men admitted to using coercive behavior to have sex, including ignoring a woman's protest, using physical aggression, and forcing intercourse’

And another site which provides examples of people willing to admit to rape. 

‘As long as the R word doesn’t get attached, rapists do self-report.’

Are you paying attention to this? 

This is really fucking scary.

It should not and does not have to be like this.

The fact that people, especially young people, are soaking up rape culture so rapidly should be horrifying; you learn the basics of life when you’re a kid, and ‘rape is justifiable in certain situations (like if she's not wearing much)’ or ‘non-consensual sex can be funny because someone made a joke about it’ should not be something that people...children...consider.

The bottom line is: if you tell a ‘joke’ that makes light of serious issues that people are already taking extremely lightly (rape is just the beginning), it adds way more fuel to the fire. Showing people (by means of a joke) that they should continue to make light of serious issues like rape is moronic and extremely inconsiderate.

What if a joke you told made someone think that what happened to them was okay, or makes them scared to speak up to their parents, to their peers, to the police because everyone around them is laughing at their situation? More rapists go free, often without realising that they’ve committed rape!

Think.

You can easily be funny without being an asshole.

Edit 31/07/14:

I do not think that eradicating rape jokes is the only solution to stop rape, nor do I think they're the main perpetrators of rape, not at all....my issue is that jokes like these normalise rape and only contribute to the rape culture that is always very prevalent (and massively varied).

Simon Amstell challenges social norms

I am a fan of Simon Amstell. I've seen him perform stand-up comedy a few times, I also watched him on Nevermind the Buzzcocks and Grandma's House.

He's a funny guy, but on top of being funny, he's also smart...he thinks, you know? A lot of people don't think, don't question social norms, aren't frustrated with a lot of social norms. As someone who enjoys questioning things and comedy, putting them together is the equivalent of putting hummus with...most any carbohydrate.

His live show, Numb, is amazing. I saw it live but for some reason I didn't appreciate how smart he was being at the time....rewatching it, however, it's nothing short of brilliance.

 The New York Times said:

'British Comic Simon Amstell has a gift for taking a social norm and gently mocking it until it seems utterly ridiculous.'

Here are some points, with quotes, that he raised in the show which I especially liked:


Gender

"We're being fed these words that don't make any sense like 'manbag' and 'guyliner', like men don't have hands or eyes. It still upsets me to hear even young, trendy couples saying things like, 'We're having a baby but we don't know the gender so we don't know whether to paint the nursery blue or pink, we might go for yellow just to be safe.' What is the danger here?"

"'Tomboy.' What is this word? Maybe your idea of what a girl is supposed to be is quite restrictive."

Race

"I'm not keen when the word 'but' is inserted into a sentence when there is no need for it: 'Oh they're Indian, but they're so polite.' There's no 'but'!"

Vegetarianism/Veganism

"I would like to be in the future now, or somewhere else, so I could look back at this time and say, 'Do you remember when people drank milk from other species?'"

"'Do you remember when people got upset when their pets died? But then when other animals died...they ate them?'"

Patriotism

"'Do you remember when people felt proud of where they came from, like it was something to do with them?' It's just where you happen to fall out of your mother's vagina. If you're going to have a flag, have a flag of a vagina, so then you can meet people and go, 'Hi, where are you from? Oh, same as me? Let's be friends.'"

Marriage

"We made it all up, marriage, it's not a naturally occurring thing. We had to have all this romantic language: 'Will you marry me?' It couldn't be the truth, which is: 'Would you please save me from my loneliness, depression, and fear?'"

Money

"'If I could just win the lottery ....Oh I have won it, oh I've spent it all, the problem was internal...' Money is just a system for moving things around, and to be so attached to things..."

The News

"It isn't even the news. What they give us are the worst things they can come up with that have happened in the world that day, and that's not a fair representation of what's going on in our planet."

Alcohol

"The only way to not drink alcohol at a party is to be a recovering alcoholic...otherwise it's, 'Do you want a drink?' 'No thank you.' '....Have a drink!'"

Numb is available online (if you're in the UK) for another few days, catch it while it's there!

I don't think it's available on DVD until late this year, but it's well worth the wait!

Gay representation in Beaver Falls

Whether it’s someone coming out, someone finding out that someone else is gay, or suspecting that someone is gay, how public media handles it can be make or break.

If something like a television show is even vaguely negative when it comes to being anything other than heterosexual, it could alienate queer people and send the wrong message to other people who discover that someone is not hetero. It’s as simple as a character making a gay joke without punishment, or having a character distance themselves from a friend who’s recently come out.

People need to be told that gay is okay, something that shouldn’t be a big deal, something that isn’t terrible. That’s where Beaver Falls  comes in.

I’ve probably only seen three episodes of this show, but something stuck out in the episode (Series 2, Episode 4) that I caught on E4 in the early hours of today.

Mac

Let me explain the episode very quickly: there’s a guy, the basketball team’s ‘ace’ player (Mac), who kisses another guy (Barry) when supposedly high. He lies about it to everyone, saying that it was in fact Barry who kissed him. In turn, everyone thinks that Barry is gay and some people taunt him. At the end of the episode the truth is revealed, Mac admits it to his wife and gives back their wedding ring with tears in his eyes.

Pretty standard plot. It wasn’t the plot that caught my eye, it was the way that the characters acted, especially the guy who gets kissed.

I’m going to play a little game called What I Expected vs. What I Got:

Some of the guys call Barry gay since they think he was the one who kissed Mac

What I Expected: Barry to get mad and assert his masculinity, somehow proving that he isn’t gay because he’s offended by their jeering and wants to appear as heterosexual as possible

What I Got: Barry runs off, annoyed. He then admits to his girlfriend that he was mad, but not because they thought he was gay...but because they were using the word ‘gay’ to attack him

Everyone finds out that Mac might be gay after he goes crazy and punches someone several times for calling him a ‘fag’; he then runs away

What I expected: Everyone to be shocked and talk about it in an unpleasant way

Mac confronts the basketball player who called him a 'fag'

What I Got: Barry vehemently insists that he’s the gay one, potentially putting his reputation on the line and trying to show a video (that some of the kids tried to secretly capture) of him kissing Mac for a laugh in the woods so that he can ‘prove’ his homosexuality to everyone

Barry finds and joins Mac, sitting next to him

What I Expected: Slightly awkward silence, Barry questioning whether Mac likes him and being concerned about it

What I Got: Barry teases Mac by asking if he thinks he’s ‘cute’, then asks if he always knew deep down, thereby taking an interest

Barry had every right to feel a little awkward, just like if anyone you don’t fancy kisses you, but he didn’t, he still treated him like a good friend.

Barry

I would also like to add, at no point does Barry use the abhorred phrase ‘no homo’ even as a joke (like a stupid spell to keep the gay at bay; god forbid anyone falsely assume that someone is gay).

These are the key points to take from this:

1. Barry got mad because people were treating being gay as a bad thing, NOT because he was being called gay
2. Barry gave no shits, twice, that people assumed he was gay; his main concern (the second time) was protecting Mac who was clearly distressed
3. Mac comes clean and accepts his sexuality, meaning he didn’t try to repress it or lie for the sake of his wife; a good message for queer people - hiding who you are, especially if you’re in a heterosexual relationship, can be damaging the longer that it’s left
4. Barry did not feel awkward around or avoid Mac even though he’d kissed him

I’ve not been this impressed with how ‘gay’ issues are handled on a TV show in a long time. Sure, there are shows that promote queer lifestyles, but this was handled so well.

It wasn’t a case of ,‘he’s gay, oh well’, it was, ‘he’s gay, it’s fine to be gay, and I feel comfortable, nothing has changed’.

So there we have it – Beaver Falls  gets my queer seal of approval!

Feel free to watch it on 4OD – Series 2, Episode 4 – if you’re in the UK to see the episode for yourself.