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I used to think anything passed off as a joke was 'allowed' to be funny. It’s just a joke, right? It's not serious so it’d be silly to take it seriously.
Then I realised that no, not all jokes are funny just because you're expected to laugh.
Then I realised that no, not all jokes are funny just because you're expected to laugh.
Let me explain to you why rape, in the context of something
as seemingly harmless as a joke, actually causes more harm than good.
A comedian, Chris Dangerfield, wondered why it was okay to
joke about murder but as soon as rape is mentioned, it’s dangerous territory.
He states, “[H]ang on, it's alright to take a flame thrower to a bunch of
people or drop a nuclear bomb on Korea? We can laugh at mass, holocaustic
murder.
"But as soon as you mention rape, even in the context
of it being simulated on a computer game, people are stuck.” [x]
Whilst jokes about murder (or anything negative that pokes
fun at the victim/puts the act in a positive light) can be extremely dodgy, I
feel a lot more uncomfortable about rape jokes (when I say 'rape jokes', I always mean jokes that make fun of the victim or the act in a positive way, jokes that show up rapists, that's different).
Why?
Rape culture.
I’ve had people try to JUSTIFY taking advantage of a girl
who’s presented in a certain way, whether she’s in revealing clothing or passed out
from drinking too much, both because it’s apparently her own fault and she
should know better. What.
There’s no such thing as ‘murder culture’ (or is there?
...no)
but ‘rape culture’ is a very real thing.
Rape Culture is an
environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against
women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape
culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the
objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence,
thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety. [x]
Please read the many examples of what contributes to rape
culture in the [x] above because some are extremely prevalent in your society;
probably in your brain, too.
People don’t make light of murder in a serious context, but
the same can’t be said for rape. People okaying non-consensual behaviour is everywhere: jokes, porn, music, music
videos, adverts, and more.
These very public sources often tell women and girls that their body
is a free buffet for any guy who wants a bite, whilst simultaneously telling
guys that asserting dominance over the media-portrayed submissive woman is what
being a real man is all about. This sexist, rape-friendly message is repeated
over and over so many times that people will not question it. Not every guy or girl will feel this way, but they are being encouraged to, so it often doesn't get filtered out.
Ever heard pop songs subtly encouraging murder and telling
people that it’s alright if they get murdered because they don’t own their
life? I haven’t.
Why are non-consensual interactions even being fetishized....? Is it not sexy enough to have sex
with someone who also really wants
to do it with you?? Why must the person [in these songs and what have you] be presented as unwilling or uncooperative?
Now...how many people think that taking someone’s life isn’t a big deal? Sociopaths? Apathetic, careless threats to society, right?How many people think that sexually engaging with someone even if they don’t want to isn’t a big deal? A lot of mentally sound people, and that’s a lot scarier – all of those potential, casual sex offenders.
Because of these messages, some men do not take ‘no’
for an answer, they either need to be told several times or might (MIGHT) stop
when the girl says that she’s taken by someone else!! It's happened to me several times and it's happened to other women, too.
Like Michael J. Dolan, a comedian who used to tell rape
jokes, said: ‘I don't think any one joke is a problem [...] the problem is it's
contributing to a culture of misogyny.’ [x] That’s the main issue here, what it contributes to society when it’s
being told, not just how bad the actual topic is.
Let me present this website with the title ‘Only Psychos
Think Rape is OK...Right?’
Every point is extremely shocking, but here are a few
(the first two are from boys AND girls
from the ages of 11-14 years old):
‘31% of the boys and 32% of the girls said it was acceptable
for a man to rape a woman with past sexual experience’
‘87% of boys and 79% of girls said sexual assault was
acceptable if the man and the woman were married’
‘One in 12 admitted to committing acts that met the legal
definitions of rape, and 84% of men who committed rape did not label it as
rape’
‘43% of college-aged men admitted to using coercive behavior
to have sex, including ignoring a woman's protest, using physical aggression,
and forcing intercourse’
And another site which provides examples of people willing
to admit to rape.
‘As long as the R word doesn’t get attached, rapists do
self-report.’
Are you paying
attention to this?
This is really
fucking scary.
It should not and does not have
to be like this.
The fact that people, especially young people, are soaking
up rape culture so rapidly should be horrifying; you learn the basics of life
when you’re a kid, and ‘rape is justifiable in certain situations (like if she's not wearing much)’ or ‘non-consensual
sex can be funny because someone made a joke about it’ should not be something that
people...children...consider.
The bottom line is: if you tell a ‘joke’ that makes light of
serious issues that people are already taking extremely lightly (rape is just the beginning), it adds way more fuel to the fire. Showing people (by means of a joke) that
they should continue to make light of
serious issues like rape is moronic and extremely inconsiderate.
What if a joke you told made someone think that what
happened to them was okay, or makes them scared to speak up to their parents,
to their peers, to the police because everyone around them is laughing at their
situation? More rapists go free, often without realising that they’ve committed
rape!
Think.
You can easily be funny without being an asshole.
Edit 31/07/14:
I do not think that eradicating rape jokes is the only solution to stop rape, nor do I think they're the main perpetrators of rape, not at all....my issue is that jokes like these normalise rape and only contribute to the rape culture that is always very prevalent (and massively varied).
Edit 31/07/14:
I do not think that eradicating rape jokes is the only solution to stop rape, nor do I think they're the main perpetrators of rape, not at all....my issue is that jokes like these normalise rape and only contribute to the rape culture that is always very prevalent (and massively varied).
Firstly, there is no such thing as ‘Murder Culture’ today because it is much less widespread. Yet, if you want to be persnickety then you COULD say that there was once a “Murder Culture’ prevalent throughout society- Centuries ago when there was the death sentence, widespread illness, and plenty of civil wars.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, the ability to research rape has become more accessible. Not only because of the media, but because of organisations who run campaigns trying to ‘raise awareness’. Think of the NSPCC adverts we see on TV- constant bombardment of serious issues which will desensitise us. But don’t blame the media for this- It’s the charities themselves who are doing it! This is a double edged sword: Shushing the talk of rape leads to a lack of awareness, but the ability to have all this information at your fingers about it will eventually cause inurement.
You think that only “unwilling, uncooperative, or unconscious” is found sexy, you seriously stereotype rapists. The desire for this particular system of rape is almost entirely found in the anger excitation rapist type. There are four types of rapists. If you don’t want raped women to be stereotyped, then don’t stereotype the rapist. Equality.
Where you hint that the only people who do not think taking a life is a ‘big deal’, you would have been more accurate to say a sociopath. They are the social predators who often pre-meditate murders. Yes, most murders are often unplanned, but the amount of murders by psychopaths are less than murders by sociopaths. Psychopaths are more likely to be your rapist.
Seriously- what do you want society to do? Educate toddlers about rape? Oh wait- that’ll just lead to desensitisation which makes them more likely to rape when older. There’s nothing we can do about it. Rape happens and we need to concentrate on the support for victims afterwards rather than the actual way rape is presented in the media. After all- if you only have a narrow view of rapists and murderers being “psychopaths” then there is literally nothing that can be done.
Oh- and research something before you write about it. There is far too much generalisation and stereotyping. Write about what you know, not about what you think you know.
Why would I bring up something that happened 'centuries ago' as you said? I'm primarily discussing rape jokes told by comedians in this age, and what the media is like IN THIS AGE.
DeleteI'm not blaming the media for desensitising us things that the NSPCC are dealing with, what I am blaming the media for is promoting the sexualisation of women in the mediums that I already covered (porn, music etc etc). Rape jokes are also part of this.
I also didn't say that "only" 'unwilling, uncooperative, or unconscious' is found sexy, did you read it properly? I said that is what a lot of sources PRESENT AS SEXY. Massive example, like I said, is porn. The submissive, passive woman is promoted as sexy, I didn't say that this is only what people found sexy...
I tried not to use stereotypes in this post, and I don't think I did. I said that rapists were sex offenders. Also, I didn't myself say that rapists were psychos, the link I provided had that title, that's nothing to do with me.
I will give you that - I often confuse sociopaths and psychopaths, I'll have to change that one.
What I want society to do (in reference to toddlers, since you mentioned), is to teach children to respect boundaries and "no" from a very young age. If more kids are taught to respect boundaries and also told that their body is their own (not even in a sexual context when they're very young, in a 'my body, not yours' one).
'Rape happens and we need to concentrate on the support for victims afterwards rather than the actual way rape is presented in the media' Support for victims is vital but what I don't think you understand is that things like rape jokes can actually cause people to think that rape isn't serious since people laugh about it all the time and, like I said, may make victims reluctant to report it. Why would you JUST focus on it after it's already happened? Focus on that AS WELL AS preventing it in the first place.
Like I said, I never called rapists psychopaths, I called murderers who didn't care about their killing psychopaths (when I meant sociopaths).
'research something before you write about it' - what else exactly would you suggest I research? This post has several links that back me up.
I have a mixed view on this issue.
ReplyDeleteI don't tend to agree that for the mentally sound majority rape jokes increase likelihood of rape. I think much more actual psychological research needs to be carried out before claims like this can be thrown around. My knowledge of psychology, having studied SOME psychology modules to form my degree contradicts the approach put forward by some gender theory writers, and this is something commented on by some psychological writers (sorry, i can't find my citations for this at the moment as I'm not on my laptop, i will try to find these and get back to you).
I think what is needed to counteract rape isn't reduction of rape jokes, but rather, better education in schools and though public service television about what constitutes rape, human sexual/sexuality rights (for women and men, and other classifications of gender - taught equally), and how people who feel victimised can find support.
As a gay man, I not only hear gay jokes from my friends, but make them myself. Often these are crude and could be seen as homophobic, but I find they actually help to allow my friends to understand their actions/thoughts better. If I make a joke in which a man should be allowed to feel 'disturbed' when a gay man feels attracted to him, I find my friends laugh, but then have a moment of realisation, where they realise that the reaction of the man in the joke is ignorant, and then they learn from it, and become more accepting in their own lives. I often make jokes at my own expense, and then a friend might come up to me after and say "you know, i never REALLY thought about it like that, that must be quite offensive when you get treated like that."
Jokes can be a really useful tool within the human array of communication, and they shouldn't just be instantly dismissed as destructive forces. I understand that all we are trying to do here is stop rape, which is absolutely a priority, but I feel like there might be more effective channels of this determination than stopping rape jokes, which to my thoughts might actually help people better understand the lines of sexism and rape.
On a related note: in another post of yours you quoted a joke tweet along the lines of "when women take part in no shave november, they also partake in no d november" - while this tweet in the first instance might be read as extremely sexist and objectifying, do you not think it might have been written for the comical purpose of making fun of the narrator in this instance who is backwards and idiotic? That most people would think "oh, that's sexist and objectifying, he's just being silly. No one with any shred of decency would seriously post such a thing"? Thus this is actually making fun of people who are sexist? That's one possible alternative reading, one that I would hope for.
As I say, I have mixed views, I just thought i'd throw my two cents in here to add to the discussion.
Nice post, and thank you for running such a fantastic and interesting blog!
Hello! Thank you for taking the time out to reply to this.
DeleteI haven't read this post in a while, but I will do so after reading this and make any necessary edits I need to because a little of what you're saying I don't think I meant to be taken the way you took it.
About rape jokes increasing the likelihood of rape, I think that's wildly presumptuous and holds no real validity if I did say that! However, I DO think that it normalises rape and makes it seem less of a big deal than it actually is, though this depends on the joke. For example, you mentioned later in your comments about jokes that make fun of people doing the hurting - that's completely fine, which is why I highlighted that jokes making fun of the victim or rape itself are damaging, but jokes making fun of the rapists are funny because it showcases how ridiculous and disrespectful people are.
Your second paragraph - I completely agree with you! I'm sorry if it came across like my solution to end rape was to cut out rape jokes, because that's definitely not what I meant! Whilst it's not a solution, explaining why rape jokes are in bad taste and can be very damaging is also making people/comedians think about rape, which won't solve the problem overall, but it will help to open minds. If people were taught better about consent, what rape is etc like you said, the majority of these jokes wouldn't even exist I reckon, which is why I am definitely with you on this.
Third paragraph - like I said, it depends on the joke. If it's a joke about people who are prejudiced, or if it's satire or irony making fun of it, I don't see the issue because it isn't making light of serious situations. Jokes are so varied so you can't just say 'jokes about this are bad', but I still stand by the idea that jokes making fun of the victim and only the victim, unless it's satire, are horrible.
Like I said, it really depends on the joke. I've seen some rape jokes that make fun of rapists etc and those ones really make you think and realise 'shit, I had no idea that some people felt like this' etc. But jokes about date rape and making moves on people when they're not into it 'for a laugh'...I just don't get why that would ever be funny.
About the tweet, I'm very sure it could be read in more than one way, but it's hard to tell sometimes unless you actually ask the person who said it. It could be either really, so I can't tell, but I know that people must feel this way and because there's such negativity about it, it really wouldn't shock me if it were a legit tweet, you know? Like I said, very hard to tell for me, even if the intention was to make fun of sexists.
Once again thank you for replying, it was an interesting read, and you made a lot of sense!