New blog!

I thought that I needed a different platform, so I've switched to Wordpress. I won't be posting here anymore, so for the same sort of content:

smallwomanbigvoice.wordpress.com

What If A Trans Person Doesn't 'Pass'?

Earlier today, Laverne Cox wrote a post on Tumblr celebrating Caitlyn Jenner appearing on the cover of Vanity Fair with the caption 'Call Me Caitlyn'.

I echo her statements when I say that yes, this is awesome, yes, she looks fantastic, but looking like a beautiful woman is not all there is to her.

I'm not accusing everyone who thinks that Caitlyn is beautiful, but women who look like women and men who look like men do not get as much trouble as those who don't (when I say 'look like', I mean what we as a society expect men and women to look like).

As a rule, people are more accepted if they conform to what is expected of their gender. Two trans friends of mine experienced hostility for not presenting in the way that people would have preferred:

One friend says that people didn't start accepting him as him until he started 'looking like' a guy. '[N]o body used male pronouns in my life until I had top surgery' and 'people used to tell me all of the time I was still a girl until I dressed the part' he remembers.

Another friend was in a bar and some people she knew from school came in. When they saw her, they insisted on calling her by her birth name, even when told otherwise. Refusing to recognise her gender, and being rather rowdy about it, they were thrown out by bar staff.

If Caitlyn was on the front cover looking masculine, would she still get as much support as she's getting now, or would more people ridicule her for trying to be 'something that she's not'?

Taken from the aformentioned blog post, Laverne Cox says:

[I]n certain lighting, at certain angles I am able to embody certain cisnormative beauty standards. Now, there are many trans folks because of genetics and/or lack of material access who will never be able to embody these standards. More importantly many trans folks don’t want to embody them

The sentiment is also echoed in this Guardian article entitled 'Do you applaud Caitlyn Jenner because she is brave, or because she's pretty?' (bold text is my own):

If we accept her in part because she fits into our understanding of the gender binary, then we’re celebrating not just her transition but her economic privilege and her allegiance to a beauty standard that, for non-trans, cisgender women, may mean being more desired or liked, but for trans women is often an insurmountable barrier to being considered women at all.

In other words, some people will refuse to see trans women as women unless they 'look like' women.

If a masculine-looking person came up to you and you found out that their gender is female. Would you believe them?

If a masculine-looking person came up to you and you found out that their gender is male. Would you believe them?

Ask yourself why in both cases.

If you see someone who 'looks like' a women in the street, when you refer to them, do you say 'she'? Why? Has that person told you their gender?

Since becoming aware of trans issues, it's something I notice all the time, but find it hard to call people out on. I wrote a story detailing my frustrations of people who think they know someone's gender just by looking, and I have said a few things, but it will keep happening all the time unless we bring it up and explain why it's not okay to blindly assume someone's gender.

In conclusion, if a trans person does not look like their gender, so what? Have the decency to respect them and their gender identity; they know more about themselves than you ever will.

P.S. If you don't know someone's gender, it's easy to refer to them as 'they' or 'the person wearing/looking at/with the...' That's what I try (and still sometimes fail) to do. If someone knows of a better/easier way to handle this, please share!

I Didn't Vote

Saying such a thing so close to when the Conservative Party won the General Election (spoiler alert), is akin kneeing someone in the nuts right now.

People are offended, let down, and angry at my choice not to engage in the election, and I can see why, but I don't regret my choice...at least, not right now.

I want to explain why I didn't vote, but I also think that voting is extremely important. That looks like a huge contradiction, I'm aware, but hear me out.

I didn't vote because I thought that I didn't have enough knowledge about the parties, the party leaders, what they've done in the past etc to make an informed and well-thought-out decision. That was a big deal for me - if I don't feel that I have enough knowledge about anything, whether it be voting for a political party, for someone to win a competition, for me to state something without proper facts....I usually step back.

I think that voting is important for the many reasons that people have given me to vote: when given a voice, we should use it; we have the right to a say on what happens to our country; regardless of anything, someone is going to win, so you may as well vote for someone who you think would do the most good/the least amount of damage.

Now, let me list a few of the arguments against my non-vote, followed by my own retorts (these are not verbatim).

Side-note: please remember that I am in the process of deciding whether I made the right decision or not, so some of what I write will not be totally committed one way or the other. I will try to be consistent, though.

Let's go:

Women fought for your right to vote and as a woman yourself, it's an insult to the women who died

This is the argument that annoys me the most. I am a feminist, and as such, I more than appreciate what the suffragettes did for my gender. I believe that everyone should be given the right to vote. What I DON'T believe is that everyone should vote (especially if they really don't want to). Does that make sense?

Someone fighting for my right to do something is amazing and I commend them for it, but that doesn't mean that I SHOULD do it. I have the right to do a lot of things that I don't want to do right now, like get married to another woman.

It doesn't take long to learn about it - there are so many resources out there, so not knowing enough is a poor excuse

This one makes way more sense to me and a week ago, I would have agreed wholeheartedly.

See, I was reading through the manifesto summaries, I was going to complete the quiz on voteforpolicies.org.uk to see which policies matched up with my opinions, I knew for a fact that I could Google a bit and get more info. So why didn't I?

An opinion from someone else made me think, 'Hold on...how can I possibly learn about all of this properly by doing a bit of research? I have no real idea about these parties, whether to go with a strategy, [anything from the third paragraph], so I'll leave it 'til the next election and start the learning process ASAP.' I thought that I wasn't going to be informed enough. Maybe I was wrong, I'm still deciding where I stand on that.

Additionally, say that my lack of knowledge led me to vote for a party who, with more knowledge, I would have been 100% against? Yes, people are allowed to make mistakes, so go ahead and vote when you're unsure if you think it's the right thing to do, but people are also allowed to do otherwise.

Spoiling your ballot would have been much better than not voting at all

I agree that you make a huge statement when you decide to spoil your ballot, and I actually admire those who are against the system and decide to spoil their ballot. However, I do not think that my reason for not voting would warrant a spoiling. Going to the poll station and writing 'I have no idea' or similar I see as no better than sitting at home and thinking 'I have no idea'.

However, granted, it would mean that I would have counted as the percentage of people who voted, which would mean that I made a contribution to the amount of voters. So on that point, I totally see the value in that.

Non-voters seem lazy and apathetic

....But I know that I'm not lazy or apathetic, so why should what people assume make a difference in the way that I act? I was lazy for not learning enough, yes, but not for deciding not to vote.

It's your duty as a UK citizen to vote

See now, there's a difference between a duty and something that is very important.

I think that everyone should definitely consider voting but only if they think it's something that should do. Maybe you're an anarchist who doesn't believe in the system we have or have been wronged by the government in general...if you think you're making the right choice, fine. People are free to disagree with anyone, but no-one should be able to tell anyone what to do, unless it's directly causing harm to other beings, that's my philosophy. Could me not voting come under that category? Debatable.

I don't think that I hurt anyone by not voting aside from those who took offence, but, it's true that my vote could have saved people from a horrible political party. But (I'm about to be 'that' person), my vote as an individual would probably have counted for nothing and the bottom line is that I thought that I was making the right decision. You can decide if I was wrong, but you cannot say that I need to vote because it was my decision not to.

How are you going to contribute to change if you don't vote?

I'm not, not this sense anyway, and that's a shame (which is why I feel bad for not following politics as well as I think I should have). But I would rather not vote due to indecision than vote for someone I know next to nothing (in my opinion) about.

Well then you can't moan about whichever party gets in

I am still on the fence about this. I don't think I have a right to complain about the voters, but I'm still allowed to complain about the Conservatives. Why? Because look at it this way - is someone who voted the Tories in allowed to complain about a policy they disagree with? I think so, especially if they didn't know about certain policies beforehand. This leads back to my lack of knowledge - I didn't have sufficient knowledge for ANY party,

I'm disappointed in you

Me too, because of my reason for not voting, not because I didn't vote.

--

I probably would have voted if there was an 'unsure' option on my postal vote, but there wasn't. Is that an excuse? No, but it's still what I think.

This goes out to everyone: if you don't think that voting is right for you and that you would be going against your beliefs by voting, you have everything right to abstain. 

Use your voting privilege the way that YOU want to use it.

What is Gender, Anyway?

I am someone who believes that gender is determined by society, not biology.

I do not think that hormones, sex organs, or chromosomes make a person male or female. Furthermore, I don't believe that male or female are the only genders (I mean, that would invalidate gender-neutral and gender-queer people).

How do we decide someone's gender, usually? Rather than wait until the baby is old enough to decide how they feel, we will look between a newborn's legs and make a conclusion solely based on what they look like. If the sex organ they find is ambiguous, usually doctors will decide along with parents to tweak them to make it look more 'normal'.

In conclusion, since gender is not something that is fixed from birth and has the ability to change...what does it mean to be male or female? I am not excluding other genders here, I just want to use the two as examples since they are the ones we're always referring to.

I've already established that having a vagina/breasts/a uterus etc doesn't make me female....so what does? How feminine I am? But wait, I'm stuck there too because there are many females who are what we would call 'masculine' and that doesn't invalidate their gender. And if it did, it would be a pretty closed-minded way to look at gender. People who can't accept males/females because they don't fit certain genders is how homophobia, misogyny, and bullying in general are reinforced.

So, what is gender, and how is it established? I identify as female, because I feel female, but I don't even know what that means anymore.

Is gender real? I'm not sure. Can something that is determined solely by society ever be absolute?

I'm interested to hear what other people have to say on this.

Additional question: When someone says they prefer a certain gender, what do they mean?

I used to define my preference for women as 'people with vaginas', but now I realise that that can cover pretty much anyone of any gender identity (or lack thereof). It COULD mean people who are feminine, but as I said before, not everyone who is feminine will be female.

My Confession: Not Dating Black People

Her love takes me onto the noble road that leads to total realization…

I marry white culture, white beauty, white whiteness.

When my restless hands caress those white breasts, they grasp white civilization and dignity and make them mine.

This is a quote from a chapter entitled 'The Man of Colour and the White Woman' in Black Skin White Masks, a book by Frantz Fanon. The previous chapter concerns 'The Woman of Colour and the White Man'.

Both of these chapters managed to reach inside my chest and squeeze something tight, not only because these people were my ancestors, but because I have experienced an inferiority complex of a similar degree.

The difference between myself and the black people mentioned, aside from the severity of their internalised racism, is that they appeared to be very aware of it. They knew that they thought white was superior, and they admitted it freely because society preached it so overtly. Sure, there were some cases of denial - mixed race women insisting that they were white, black men being told that because they grew up in France like whites, they were not 'Negro' like Africans. Regardless, the hatred was more prevalent for them. For me? No so much.

From the ages of about 11-22, I didn't want any association with blackness. Merely saying the word 'black' when referring to my race was difficult. As such, my choice of partners was always, and still remains, white (though it's becoming more incidental than intentional). When it was mentioned by my family, I insisted that it had nothing to do with skin colour, I just 'liked who I liked'. That wasn't the whole truth.

White skin was not the only quota that people had to fill to be worthy of my affection, but if someone were to put two people in front of me, one black one white, who had the same personality that complimented mine, the white person would have to be physically unattractive for me to choose the black person (and even then, I'd probably still go for the white person).


Let me reiterate: a mediocre-looking white person would have been more appealing to me than a physically average, maybe even attractive (though I would always dismiss any attraction I felt to them), black person. This is how much I was captivated by the white culture around me.

Yeah.

I am more self-reflective/-critical now than I have ever been, but I have never admitted my 'preferences' like this until now because it is so obviously racist, and no-one likes to be called - or thought of as - racist. I talk about preferences for certain races in a recent article actually, which made me re-consider my past attitudes to the people I dated.

One thing that struck me when reading Black Skin White Masks were the black women who wanted a white man to feel accepted, like it was some sort of initiation test that they needed to pass in order to qualify as human ('human' meaning 'civilised', meaning 'white', according to the book). Now, I have never thought of it this way but it wouldn't surprise me if that was what influenced me, too.

Where I'm at now?

I am proud to be black, and I no longer shy to say that I am a black woman. What's a shame is that I don't actually know very much about my history as I think I should, but I'm gaining more insight into my past almost daily since my dissertation topic is black people in a white society!

I like learning about the history of black people and racism, combating current racist ideology, and doing as much as I can to feel confident in this skin. I think this all came about from spending time on Tumblr and seeing all of the self-love coming from certain blogs, especially ones that emphasised black beauty in its many forms (dark/light skinned, a range of sizes etc).

Yes, I still have some personal issues and thought processes regarding how I see black people, but it's in no way as bad as it used to be, which is definite progress.

What I need to keep reminding myself is that not everyone who is black will look or act a certain way, so avoiding them or saying I won't date them is foolish, misguided, and, above all, racist.

Even though I'm feeling increasingly comfortable with my (white) boyfriend right now, it doesn't mean that I don't need to bother with thinking progressively about the issue, because thoughts like that are toxins that need to be flushed out of my system.

I'll probably be writing more posts regarding insecurities and confessions because getting stuff out in the open like this helps me to evolve as person. I've had some depressing thoughts about myself and others that I like to air out by confronting directly. Not only does it help me, it helps others too!

Admitting your faults is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of progression and inner strength!

'Is It ‘Racist’ To Have An Attraction To Certain Races?'

Is the title of my latest article on My Student Style.

I explore why many excuses about preferring/not preferring certain races tend to be misguided and why. I also ask if it's ever possible to have innocent preferences for a race and not others.

If you wish to discuss this idea with me, by all means, contact me and we'll have a chit chat.

--

I've been writing for MSS for a few months, but I'm only just starting to find my feet and figure out what I really want to write about. I started writing in the 'sex and relationships' section, but what I really want to do (on the site and for life), is to spread awareness about things I'm interested in, things that I know need  to be discussed.

These interests are all linked by one common factor - social injustices.

I'm going to talk more about my motivation and ambition in another blog post but just as a head's up, I'll be writing a lot about things that I know need to be thought about and changed for, I believe, everyone's benefit, whether they fit into the categories I talk about or not.

So go check it out, and I'll be back soon with another blog post about what I'm interested in writing about, why, and my experiences that influence my passions.