Critical Thinking

For a while now, I've enjoyed questioning social norms, and encouraged others to do the same (as implied with this very blog title).

Up until now, it's always been kind of vague - Think about it ...Think about what? Think how? It wasn't until I watched Steve Joordens' TED talk that I remembered it had a name - critical thinking.

One of the first things Joordens says is, "[Critical thinking] is what drives social change."

All of the progression we've made from history to the present day has been due to critical thinkers encouraging others to think the same. It used to be normal to receive therapy for being gay, it used to be normal to refuse women the vote, it used to be normal to treat black people as slaves. All of that changed because people starting to think.

Now, I'm going to touch on a few things Joordens says and afterwards, I'm going to explain how he influenced the way I want to approach things from now on.

The way that we naturally think, behave, see the world etc is due to [cultural] beliefs that we have probably held since we were children. The media, our parents, peers, teachers, law enforcers etc teach us right from wrong, what is acceptable and what isn't. For example, how do we know it's wrong to commit murder? We are not born with that knowledge, it's taught to us, we learn things like that from our environment and it becomes ingrained. If we find out that someone's killed someone else, we (normally) react negatively without a second thought.

Joordens brings up something called observational learning - learning things by copying. We do this almost exclusively when we're babies, but as we grow, we learn to think more for ourselves but we still engage in bits of observational learning.

We're not all 'sheep', we don't do everything just because other people do, but we often DO follow the majority in terms of what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't.

Think about if you were a white person in Southern America during the slave trade, Joordens says, and everyone around you owns slaves and treats them like objects. What would you have done?

Left image says: 'Am I not a man and a brother?'

You can call old slave owners bastards, and rightly so, but what would YOU have done?

Did they know any better? "Generally speaking, most of us would think it's okay. In fact, most of us wouldn't think it's okay, most of us wouldn't think at all, we would simply accept it, it would just be normal," says Joordens.

They did not know any better, but that didn't mean that what they did should have been acceptable.

Going along with things without giving it real thought is the opposite of critical thinking, this is what critical thinking wants to combat - the normal, accepted way of thinking.

Then you get someone that Joordens terms an 'opinion oddball' who steps in and realises that treating black people as slaves is not okay because they, like the slave owners, are also human - slave abolitionists. Obviously, there was a slight backlash... Why didn't everyone automatically stop and say, "Know what? These people are right - keeping slaves is immoral, we should stop"? Because when someone says that what you naturally think or do is wrong, you get defensive and try to justify yourself, maybe even refuse to listen.

This all sounded similar to something that I've been fighting against for five years now, and I was amazed when Joordens said exactly what I was thinking - eating meat. He vocalised the fact that he knew it would make people uncomfortable, but, as an example, he wanted to encourage the audience to think critically about where their food comes from.

He then talked about the realities of the meat industry and rounded it up with saying that what he just did was the equivilant of putting a hot air mass and a cold air mass together to create a thunderstorm: "When an opinion oddball uses critical thinking to attack your indoctrinated beliefs, you get what you feel right now."

It took me a while to understand that not everyone is going to believe that using animals for food (or anything unnecessary, for that matter) is wrong because most people are used to it. They're used to dipping chicken nuggets in ketchup as part of a Happy Meal, used to adverts advertising different meat every fifteen minutes, used to seeing meat on the menu at well-established restaurants.  

If it's everywhere, if it's accepted and widely available, how can it possibly be wrong...right?

I forgot that for nineteen years...that was my life, and I can't expect everyone to see things my way just because I tell them that eating animals is messed up. Instead of trying to shock people or tell them they're shitty people, I need a better approach.

It took me nineteen years to realise that I didn't like what I'd been doing my whole life, so how can I expect people to listen immediately if I don't persuade them to think for themselves?

Of course, people will still get defensive...

"Our ancestors ate meat."

"It's what I'm used to, how can I change."

"That's just the way life is."

I hear this a lot from meat-eaters. But is that really enough to justify anything? Was that argument enough to justify the slave trade?

Sometimes it really helps to think about things you take for granted - just because something is normal doesn't deem it acceptable.

Without critical thought, normalised injustices will prevail.

I Prefer Women, Yet I've Only Had Boyfriends

(Bar one girl about six years ago).

P.S. I use the word ‘women’ and ‘girls’ interchangeably all the time. If this offends you, I’m sorry.

P.P.S. I'm not trying to exclude people of other genders, of no gender, of many genders etc but for all intents and purposes of this post, I'm going to focus on women and men.

~

I've been out and proud for eight years, dating for eleven, and none of my relationships have been long-term but they were pretty much all dudes.

How can this be? Am I in denial about preferring women? Am I lying about being bisexual? Am I scared of women?

All false (aside from the last point which is actually a little true...you'll see what I mean).

So, why am I posting about this? I’m bisexual, so people might think that my lack of female partners is unusual and I want to explore that...plus, a lot of people have misconceptions about what being bisexual means. For e.g. I am not ‘less of a bisexual person’ because of this.

~

To be bisexual, some believe:

• You must like the genders you like equally.

• That you must have experience with more than one gender.

• That it’s just a safety net until you decide which gender you actually like.

Wrong, wrong, and super wrong.

Just to get these out of the way:

• You can be bisexual and have an overwhelming desire for one gender, or be into one just a little more than the others, or like them around about the same...it varies tremendously but by definition, you are still into more than one gender. I still like guys; I’m still bisexual. 

• You don’t need experience with a certain gender to realise that you like them (virgins, back me up here). If I tell you that I’m into someone...you really can’t tell me I can’t be because I’ve never gotten with them. I know me better than you do.

• Finally, yes, some people come out as bi then come out as something else later on, but this is not true for all of us. Sexuality is fluid: a gay person could realise they’re bi, a lesbian could realise they’re straight, a straight person could realise they’re pansexual etc etc...and it could all change again! That doesn’t mean that they were lying, it means their preferences changed, and that's normal, not an 'excuse'.

~

There are a lot more myths, but this isn’t a post to debunk them all, it’s to talk about why my preferences and who I actually get with don’t add up:

Main reason; reason one: I find it a lot easier to come onto guys. I’m more nervous of telling a girl I’m into her. Why? Women generally intimidate me BECAUSE I find them so attractive. I still get nervous and shaky and all that junk, okay...

Reason two: it’s a lot harder for me to tell when women are into me. I find it very hard to figure out if a girl is flirting, but if it’s a guy, I can usually spot it a mile off. This is personal experience, I’m not stereotyping by any means. I’ve just found girls to be a lot flirtier (in an innocent, platonic way) with their friends as opposed to guys.

Reason three: for a large part of my life, I assumed that everyone is straight until proven otherwise, which is a horribly heteronormative idea and one which I find myself doing even now. I’m trying to move past that though because I hate when people assume I'm straight.

~

Things that people might be thinking:

I was recently asked if it’s awkward or weird for me to date a guy when I prefer girls.

Not at all. Vanilla milkshake is my favourite, but if I end up with strawberry...I am not gonna complain – I still like strawberry! Maybe that was a horrible example but I can’t think of a better one right now.

Basically, no, I still really like the guy I’m with at the time, more than anyone.

But, I would still prefer a girl over them, right?

If you ask me this question when I currently don’t fancy anyone, then yeah, I’d prefer to get with a girl if I was into them. But if I’m really into a guy at the time, no-one else matters. If you’re a dude, and you get with me, I like you more than ANYONE; you da awesome-ist.

If a girl came along whilst I was with a guy, would I ditch the guy?

Sadly...this is what a lot of bisexual people are thought to be like, whether they prefer a certain gender or not. No I would not! Unless I happen to fall for her and like her MORE than the guy I’m seeing. But this can be said for anyone of any sexuality – if you fell for someone more than your current partner, and weren’t a cheater or in denial, you’d feel uncomfortable in your relationship and want out, right? Trying to get over someone whilst you're with someone else is not really my thing.

Am I ‘settling’ when I choose a guy over a girl?

Hell no. Listen, I still like guys. I would still be happy with a guy. I LIKE GUYS. It’s not like I have a choice between a guy and a girl but I choose the guy because the girl’s too intimidating. I do not like a girl and a guy at the same time and choose the guy. I just happen to mostly get with guys because of the three reasons I mentioned previously.

Did I prefer the one girl I got together with over the guys? No. I got with a girl who I really liked, just as I got with the guys who I really liked. Same deal. How much I liked her would have to depend on how deeply I fell for her, not her gender.

It sounds like you like them equally but just go for guys more. No. See first sentence of second point.

Will I get with a guy again next time or am I sick of guys guys guys? No-one can predict that shit, even if my track record is leaning heavily in one genders' favour.

And no, I'm not sick of guys. If I find someone I really really like, I don't care what gender they are, I care about them.

Does this actually matter at all? Just get with who you want, who cares? I agree 100%, but for a while I wondered why it was 'mismatched', so it was fun to analyze.

More importantly, getting the word out about bisexuality is always useful because many people don't understand or believe it exists....so I may as well use myself as an example, being a reliable source on bisexuality and all.

~

If you think this is all bullshit no matter what, that's up to you, but like I said, I know myself so much better than you.

~

The end! Any more questions?

Black Skin, White Identity

This blog post is inspired by Ray Jasper, a black man sentenced to the death penalty at 15 who will be executed on March 19th in Texas.

He sent a letter to Hamilton Nolan from Gawker detailing his views on the prison system, the death penalty, capitalism, and black youths. In this seven-page letter, he raises some incredibly important and relevant issues, but I want to write about what struck me most - being black when the people who sentence you, people who judge you, people who teach you etc are almost always white.

I think that it's vital for me to speak about this subject because, even though I am not a US citizen like Jasper, I have felt the same loss of identity as he has in the sense that....for many years, I identified more with white people than black people.

Note: I don't care what Ray Jasper has or has not done and whether he 'deserves' the death penalty, this isn't about that, this is about a black man releasing some serious truth bombs about black people in general.

Also, read the last sentence of this post to see that I am not painting all black people with the same brush, I am speaking for myself and others like myself.

I, like every black person in the same or similar culture as myself, see white people all the time. We see white people falling in love, becoming heroes or heroines, kicking ass, but most significantly...we see white people looking down on black people. What do you think the effect is on us when we see people who we identify with looking down on people like us, people who we SHOULD be identifying with? It turns black against black, it makes us think badly of ourselves, it makes us want to discard our black shells and replace them with a white one instead (sometimes more literally - skin beaching, anyone?). And this doesn't always need to happen consciously, it's something that's internalised from a very young age, something we're taught to think about without even realising it.

Imagine being a black child, turning on the TV, and seeing very little role models who actually look like you. I used to think that it wasn't important what colour a role model was, so long as they had good morals and good ideas ...but I've had a rethink. Yes, anyone who is a good role model is extremely good to have in the public eye...but it is so so important for black kids to see more people who look like them who AREN'T being treated unfavourably. Why black people specifically? Because our culture has been wiped out since the 1700s (and beyond, I'm sure) and by the same country we live in, and we still haven't gotten that back (obviously other racial minorities need some serious attention, but I am coming at this from a black woman's POV; I can't cover, and it isn't always my right to cover, every single oppressed person or race).

Right.

Ray Jasper commented on how many black people were in jail when he was sentenced. How many of us think that black people, black men especially, are the worst offenders of the law? I did. Why? Racial profiling/racist police, black people growing up thinking that they're destined to be criminals, that it's in their DNA, black people rebelling against an unfair system that favours white people and being punished for it. More black people in prison does not mean that more black people commit crimes worthy of a prison sentence or are born to be criminals.

A quote from Ray Jasper's letter:

I'm not trying to play the race card, I'm looking at the roots of why so many young blacks are locked up. The odds are stacked against us, we suffer from an identity crisis, and we're being targeted more, instead of taught better. Ask any young black person their views on the Police, I assure you their response will not be positive. Yet if you have something against the Police, who represent the government, you cannot sit on a trial jury.

Police forces are up to 28 times more likely to use stop-and-search powers against black people than white people and may be breaking the law

I am not saying that black 'heroes' are non-existent, but they pale in comparison to the amount of white ones. The different between the two? A black kid is more likely to think, 'Hey, I can do that too!' if they see a black person who is a positive influence. If they see a white person, they're less likely to think that, that's my view. The post I did recently about feeling a strong sense of identity with Lupita Nyong'o....this is what I'm talking about, I've never felt so strongly about my own identity before, and it's really not the same coming from someone who has never felt it first-hand, and we need more black people to tell us that we are capable of just as much as white people.

Speaking of: spare me, 'I kind of know how it feels to be black because I also face oppression' because you need to reassess yourself and sit down. You may feel like you know how it feels if you're of another (or several) minority groups, if you have a black friend, if you've read all about black identity, but you don't. Even if you've been made to feel self-conscious or bad about your race for a day, a week, or on a social networking site, please don't think that gives you the right to tell us that you know how it feels for us who live with internal and external racism every day. You are allowed to feel oppressed or victimised, you are allowed to be supportive, and you are allowed to say, 'I imagine that that feels awful'...just don't compare it to how I feel because you're not black so you will never know how it feels to be black. Period. That's what I'm getting at, this is why we need more black people to speak out and be those role models that I didn't really grow up with.

If you're someone who complains about not having a white history month to be on equal ground with us....I can't even rearrange my thoughts coherently to explain why this is obviously a stupid thought process, just educate yourself on why black history month exists, please.

I feel like I deviated slightly in my excitement, but the bottom line is: we need more successful black people in the public eye and, even better, we need more black people in the public eye WHO WILL TALK ABOUT black identity in a positive, encouraging manner.

I can't speak for all black people when I say these things, some may already feel empowered and comfortable in their own skin/culture and that is really awesome, but I am speaking for people who have felt the same as me...because there are other me's out there, and that's a fact.

"Slut Shaming"

I hate the term 'slut' actually, it's only in the title so that people instantly know what I'm talking about (and it's in quotes so I feel a lot more separated from the term).

This shouldn't even need a blog post, but I am very aware that some people still think that women dress a certain way solely to attract attention. Some find it contradictory that a woman doesn't want lots of attention yet wears clothing that will attract attention.

'Ironic Slut Sally'

I can understand the thinking behind it....but not all women wear short skirts or low-cut tops for the attention of other men, believe it or not.

How did I come to this unfathomable conclusion?

Think of it like this:

• Woman picks out an outfit that she loves, makes her feel like a million bucks
• Woman knows that such an outfit may get her unwanted attention
• Woman wears outfit anyway

Why does the woman do this if she knows that she'll more than likely get stares, maybe even harassed?

Because she loves the outfit.

How a woman dresses should not be limited because of someone's ELSE'S thoughts about the outfit.

How a woman dresses should not warrant verbal or physical assault. Ever.

What matters is how the wearer of the outfit feels.

Imagine that you wanted to wear your favourite pair of jeans but I said that I didn't like them and that people might make fun of you. Would you think it a more logical idea for people to punish you for not listening to reason, or to punish the people who are doing the bullying?

Stop telling women to limit what they wear, instead: tell others to be respectful of a woman's decision to wear what she wants. That is how you stop this. Not by telling women to cover up. That doesn't stop anything.

Race; Lupita Nyong'o

Lupita Nyong'o

For a very long time in my life, I avoided anything to do with my race: 'black' music, 'black' slang, black history....I even felt uncomfortable with saying "I am black" or identifying with other black people unless they were already my friends.

I didn't want to be black, I wanted to be like all of my other, prettier friends. They had beautiful, long, flowing hair and looked like angels compared to me, I thought. I would rather be a very mediocre-looking white girl than an above-average black girl. But I didn't know that back then....well, more like I refused to accept it.

When I was younger, I knew that I was avoiding anything to do with my skin colour, but I never admitted it to myself or anyone else. I covered it up in excuses, saying that it wasn't my fault that I grew up in a culture surrounded by white people...so how else was I supposed to act? I straighten my hair but so what? It's easier to handle. I prefer white dolls to black because that's just what's available. These things involved some truth, but I would always avoid thinking about any ulterior motives.

I am 24-years-old and I only started feeling secure about my skin colour in my 24th year, and I'm still not totally there yet.

Black = inferior, ugly, undesired.

How horrible does that look? But that's what my mind was polluted with.

I hated black, I hated myself. I wanted to be lighter, I wanted to get away from dark.

This eagerly brings me to Lupita Nyong'o.

This speech by Lupita about wanting to be lighter when she was younger, about praying to God to wake up lighter several times a night, about seeing white people everywhere and feeling ugly.....I felt this; I felt this hard.

It wasn't until she saw Alek Wek, a dark-skinned, supermodel that she felt comfort in her own skin.

In the video, Lupita shares her experiences and encourages people who feel the same to realise that they are beautiful, no matter how dark they are.

This is the most inspirational speech I think I've ever seen about race. By existing in the public eye as a very dark skinned, beautiful, talented (talent that is recognised by the masses) woman...she's already showing black girls that skin colour doesn't always hold you back, but to make a speech about it was incredibly important.

Girls of colour have it tough - not only are we bombarded with the 'perfect body' that everyone else is, we're also over-exposed to white skin, white features, white beauty.

It's a white world. A lot of black celebrities are lightened up, whether that's with photo manipulation or skin lightening products...so for Lupita, dark as she is, to speak out about this puts my own (and many other black girls') skin colour into perspective. I am lighter than Lupita, but that doesn't mean that I'm happy to be lighter anymore, I'm happy to be black.

She has proven that black can be incredibly, mindblowingly beautiful.

Lupita knows first-hand how much this will mean to us; it's her turn to carry the torch and bring warmth to the heart of every insecure black girl out there...because, shit, we really need it sometimes, more than people seem to realise.

So, thank you Lupita Nyong'o. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Dating animal consumers

I gave it a broad term because I'm vegan, and preferably, I would like whoever I date to be vegan too. So 'meat eaters' doesn't cut it.

This has been a real conflict for me - would I ever seriously date someone who wasn't vegan? (when I say 'date', I actually mean seriously date, someone you plan on spending a large part of your life with)

Image not mine

Veganism is such a big part of my life that, before, I didn't see much of a point in dating someone who viewed certain animal products as commodities and tasty treats. Yeah, it's easy to focus on other things that you like or have in common...but being vegan affects a lot of my personality, what I choose to do, how I react to certain things etc...it isn't like being really into a band.

Speaking of, I used to have the idea that I didn't really want to date anyone unless they shared a similar taste in music...but music doesn't affect who someone is (a certain type of person doesn't listen to rock music for example), yet a lot of vegans have proven that they give a shit about animals and are conscious about what they put in/on their body....I've never met a vegan who isn't compassionate, kind, and genuinely animal-loving. Veganism isn't just a diet, it's a lifestyle.

This might sound pretentious to some people, but it makes sense. Like, for example, if you're a feminist, could you date someone who's misogynistic and sees no point in feminism, even if they treated you well? Just like veganism, feminism affects how someone sees the world, what they do, what they're passionate about etc.

So what's my overall view? I could date someone who still used animal products IF they were open to the idea of stopping/wanted to stop eventually. If it's taking a while, then I understand that - I once met a vegan who told me it took her five years to give up animal products altogether, and that didn't mean that she didn't care, it meant that it was a hard process.

To become vegan, or even vegetarian, you have to dismiss everything that you've probably been told your entire life - you need to look past the constant adverts, animal-consumer mentality, everyone around you saying that using animals is completely okay...and that's fucking difficult, even when you do become veg*an. I still struggle with the animal-consumer society, but in a different way - instead of struggling to break free from all I've known, I struggle to understand why people are so apathetic or downright aggressive when it comes to using animals.

And I understand the aggression - telling someone that [you believe] what they've been doing and love their entire life is grotesque and actually causes a lot of pain and suffering for the animals, the planet, and the human race can be hard-hitting, people are bound to get defensive...so I get that, but if people take a second to properly think about what they're doing instead of immediately getting in vegans' faces, they'll realise we're not just saying this to piss them off.

In conclusion - yes, I would date someone who wasn't vegan...but not if they have no intention to ever change that or think that veganism is a waste of time. If they find the idea of vegetarianism appealing even, that's still fine, because a lot of veggies eventually do become vegan...it's like a stepping stone (it must be incredibly hard to go vegan right away).

....But I still won't approve of them using animals; what I will approve of is their will to change.

No Shave November

Or 'Movember' (which I shall call it from now on because it's quicker to type).

A movement started to raise awareness for prostate and testicular cancer.

I'm not here to talk about cancer or the reason why Movember was invented, I'm here to talk about what some people have been saying about women regarding Movember.

A regular theme I've seen is that women taking part in Movember are either not entitled because it's something regarding men only (not shaving their facial hair), or that if they DO, they have to be prepared to get no sex [because women not shaving is ew gross].

I want to address the bit about entitlement first. Not only does the Noshember website encourage men AND women alike to put down the razor for a month, but if women want to show their support for cancer, why shouldn't they be able to (by also not shaving) as well....?

Someone on tumblr sums up what I'm arguing against nicely:

'Why would they do that? It’s all about them, all the time. They have pink everywhere for breast cancer awareness, which is primarily a female problem. But this one month of awareness for a male problem, which most probably don’t even know about, is driving them insane. Pathetic.'

HAVING A GO AT WOMEN FOR ALSO WANTING TO SHOW SUPPORT IS MESSED UP.

That's almost like arguing with straight people for wearing a t-shirt that promotes LGBTQA* rights.

I could go down the 'it's also possible for trans*women to get prostate or testicular cancer' route because it's a valid point, but I would end up compiling a completely separate rant for that one because the erasure of trans*people from the media is incredibly vast and a lot of people don't (or refuse to) understand or are transphobic.

Also...women have facial hair.

There are places encouraging women not to shave their legs, but women do also grow facial hair, it's not a big secret, it's biology, and I think it's sad that women should have to feel bad or ashamed about not shaving ANY PART of themselves because the media promotes us as completely hairless, even in razor adverts. Not once have I seen a woman shaving actual hair from their body in a razor advert, yet a quick google for Gillette showed a man shaving hair from his body because, guess what, no-one shaves hairless parts of their body. But, again, that's another rant for another time.

The next point is the oh so lovely argument that if a woman doesn't shave, they're unattractive/will get 'no dick'. This one barely even needs a rant because it's pathetic.

I've heard people say many times that a woman not shaving is unnatural and that is the most backward piece of shit because 'natural' means 'naturally occurring', and that is what hair on anyone (yes even women) is!

If women were not 'supposed' to have body hair...then they wouldn't be born with the ability to grow body hair!

Plus, why do these people assume that a woman will care whether or not they get sex? That's not a terrifying threat. If someone won't have sex with a woman just because of body hair then tell them to take a hike because a lot of decent people will not give a fuck.

What about people who don't like facial hair on men? I've seen nothing about that potential 'problem'.

Most importantly, this was all started to raise cancer awareness, fuck whether taking part in Movember will get someone laid or not, it is nothing to do with that.

--

At the end of the day, women are not trying to 'take over' the cause, they just want to participate and show support, maybe even donate also.

What is the harm in showing support for something that might not affect the person directly?

What's Wrong With Rape Jokes?

incontemptcomics.com

I used to think anything passed off as a joke was 'allowed' to be funny. It’s just a joke, right? It's not serious so it’d be silly to take it seriously.

Then I realised that no, not all jokes are funny just because you're expected to laugh.

Let me explain to you why rape, in the context of something as seemingly harmless as a joke, actually causes more harm than good.

A comedian, Chris Dangerfield, wondered why it was okay to joke about murder but as soon as rape is mentioned, it’s dangerous territory. He states, “[H]ang on, it's alright to take a flame thrower to a bunch of people or drop a nuclear bomb on Korea? We can laugh at mass, holocaustic murder.

"But as soon as you mention rape, even in the context of it being simulated on a computer game, people are stuck.” [x]

Whilst jokes about murder (or anything negative that pokes fun at the victim/puts the act in a positive light) can be extremely dodgy, I feel a lot more uncomfortable about rape jokes (when I say 'rape jokes', I always mean jokes that make fun of the victim or the act in a positive way, jokes that show up rapists, that's different).

Why? 

Rape culture.

I’ve had people try to JUSTIFY taking advantage of a girl who’s presented in a certain way, whether she’s in revealing clothing or passed out from drinking too much, both because it’s apparently her own fault and she should know better. What.

There’s no such thing as ‘murder culture’ (or is there? ...no) but ‘rape culture’ is a very real thing. 

Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture.  Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety. [x]

Please read the many examples of what contributes to rape culture in the [x] above because some are extremely prevalent in your society; probably in your brain, too.

People don’t make light of murder in a serious context, but the same can’t be said for rape. People okaying non-consensual behaviour is everywhere: jokes, porn, music, music videos, adverts, and more.

These very public sources often tell women and girls that their body is a free buffet for any guy who wants a bite, whilst simultaneously telling guys that asserting dominance over the media-portrayed submissive woman is what being a real man is all about. This sexist, rape-friendly message is repeated over and over so many times that people will not question it. Not every guy or girl will feel this way, but they are being encouraged to, so it often doesn't get filtered out.

Ever heard pop songs subtly encouraging murder and telling people that it’s alright if they get murdered because they don’t own their life? I haven’t.

Why are non-consensual interactions even being fetishized....? Is it not sexy enough to have sex with someone who also really wants to do it with you?? Why must the person [in these songs and what have you] be presented as unwilling or uncooperative?

Now...how many people think that taking someone’s life isn’t a big deal? Sociopaths? Apathetic, careless threats to society, right?

How many people think that sexually engaging with someone even if they don’t want to isn’t a big deal? A lot of mentally sound people, and that’s a lot scarier – all of those potential, casual sex offenders.

Because of these messages, some men do not take ‘no’ for an answer, they either need to be told several times or might (MIGHT) stop when the girl says that she’s taken by someone else!! It's happened to me several times and it's happened to other women, too.

Like Michael J. Dolan, a comedian who used to tell rape jokes, said: ‘I don't think any one joke is a problem [...] the problem is it's contributing to a culture of misogyny.’ [x] That’s the main issue here, what it contributes to society when it’s being told, not just how bad the actual topic is.

Let me present this website with the title ‘Only Psychos Think Rape is OK...Right?’

Every point is extremely shocking, but here are a few (the first two are from boys AND girls from the ages of 11-14 years old):

‘31% of the boys and 32% of the girls said it was acceptable for a man to rape a woman with past sexual experience’

‘87% of boys and 79% of girls said sexual assault was acceptable if the man and the woman were married’

‘One in 12 admitted to committing acts that met the legal definitions of rape, and 84% of men who committed rape did not label it as rape’

‘43% of college-aged men admitted to using coercive behavior to have sex, including ignoring a woman's protest, using physical aggression, and forcing intercourse’

And another site which provides examples of people willing to admit to rape. 

‘As long as the R word doesn’t get attached, rapists do self-report.’

Are you paying attention to this? 

This is really fucking scary.

It should not and does not have to be like this.

The fact that people, especially young people, are soaking up rape culture so rapidly should be horrifying; you learn the basics of life when you’re a kid, and ‘rape is justifiable in certain situations (like if she's not wearing much)’ or ‘non-consensual sex can be funny because someone made a joke about it’ should not be something that people...children...consider.

The bottom line is: if you tell a ‘joke’ that makes light of serious issues that people are already taking extremely lightly (rape is just the beginning), it adds way more fuel to the fire. Showing people (by means of a joke) that they should continue to make light of serious issues like rape is moronic and extremely inconsiderate.

What if a joke you told made someone think that what happened to them was okay, or makes them scared to speak up to their parents, to their peers, to the police because everyone around them is laughing at their situation? More rapists go free, often without realising that they’ve committed rape!

Think.

You can easily be funny without being an asshole.

Edit 31/07/14:

I do not think that eradicating rape jokes is the only solution to stop rape, nor do I think they're the main perpetrators of rape, not at all....my issue is that jokes like these normalise rape and only contribute to the rape culture that is always very prevalent (and massively varied).

Simon Amstell challenges social norms

I am a fan of Simon Amstell. I've seen him perform stand-up comedy a few times, I also watched him on Nevermind the Buzzcocks and Grandma's House.

He's a funny guy, but on top of being funny, he's also smart...he thinks, you know? A lot of people don't think, don't question social norms, aren't frustrated with a lot of social norms. As someone who enjoys questioning things and comedy, putting them together is the equivalent of putting hummus with...most any carbohydrate.

His live show, Numb, is amazing. I saw it live but for some reason I didn't appreciate how smart he was being at the time....rewatching it, however, it's nothing short of brilliance.

 The New York Times said:

'British Comic Simon Amstell has a gift for taking a social norm and gently mocking it until it seems utterly ridiculous.'

Here are some points, with quotes, that he raised in the show which I especially liked:


Gender

"We're being fed these words that don't make any sense like 'manbag' and 'guyliner', like men don't have hands or eyes. It still upsets me to hear even young, trendy couples saying things like, 'We're having a baby but we don't know the gender so we don't know whether to paint the nursery blue or pink, we might go for yellow just to be safe.' What is the danger here?"

"'Tomboy.' What is this word? Maybe your idea of what a girl is supposed to be is quite restrictive."

Race

"I'm not keen when the word 'but' is inserted into a sentence when there is no need for it: 'Oh they're Indian, but they're so polite.' There's no 'but'!"

Vegetarianism/Veganism

"I would like to be in the future now, or somewhere else, so I could look back at this time and say, 'Do you remember when people drank milk from other species?'"

"'Do you remember when people got upset when their pets died? But then when other animals died...they ate them?'"

Patriotism

"'Do you remember when people felt proud of where they came from, like it was something to do with them?' It's just where you happen to fall out of your mother's vagina. If you're going to have a flag, have a flag of a vagina, so then you can meet people and go, 'Hi, where are you from? Oh, same as me? Let's be friends.'"

Marriage

"We made it all up, marriage, it's not a naturally occurring thing. We had to have all this romantic language: 'Will you marry me?' It couldn't be the truth, which is: 'Would you please save me from my loneliness, depression, and fear?'"

Money

"'If I could just win the lottery ....Oh I have won it, oh I've spent it all, the problem was internal...' Money is just a system for moving things around, and to be so attached to things..."

The News

"It isn't even the news. What they give us are the worst things they can come up with that have happened in the world that day, and that's not a fair representation of what's going on in our planet."

Alcohol

"The only way to not drink alcohol at a party is to be a recovering alcoholic...otherwise it's, 'Do you want a drink?' 'No thank you.' '....Have a drink!'"

Numb is available online (if you're in the UK) for another few days, catch it while it's there!

I don't think it's available on DVD until late this year, but it's well worth the wait!

Gay representation in Beaver Falls

Whether it’s someone coming out, someone finding out that someone else is gay, or suspecting that someone is gay, how public media handles it can be make or break.

If something like a television show is even vaguely negative when it comes to being anything other than heterosexual, it could alienate queer people and send the wrong message to other people who discover that someone is not hetero. It’s as simple as a character making a gay joke without punishment, or having a character distance themselves from a friend who’s recently come out.

People need to be told that gay is okay, something that shouldn’t be a big deal, something that isn’t terrible. That’s where Beaver Falls  comes in.

I’ve probably only seen three episodes of this show, but something stuck out in the episode (Series 2, Episode 4) that I caught on E4 in the early hours of today.

Mac

Let me explain the episode very quickly: there’s a guy, the basketball team’s ‘ace’ player (Mac), who kisses another guy (Barry) when supposedly high. He lies about it to everyone, saying that it was in fact Barry who kissed him. In turn, everyone thinks that Barry is gay and some people taunt him. At the end of the episode the truth is revealed, Mac admits it to his wife and gives back their wedding ring with tears in his eyes.

Pretty standard plot. It wasn’t the plot that caught my eye, it was the way that the characters acted, especially the guy who gets kissed.

I’m going to play a little game called What I Expected vs. What I Got:

Some of the guys call Barry gay since they think he was the one who kissed Mac

What I Expected: Barry to get mad and assert his masculinity, somehow proving that he isn’t gay because he’s offended by their jeering and wants to appear as heterosexual as possible

What I Got: Barry runs off, annoyed. He then admits to his girlfriend that he was mad, but not because they thought he was gay...but because they were using the word ‘gay’ to attack him

Everyone finds out that Mac might be gay after he goes crazy and punches someone several times for calling him a ‘fag’; he then runs away

What I expected: Everyone to be shocked and talk about it in an unpleasant way

Mac confronts the basketball player who called him a 'fag'

What I Got: Barry vehemently insists that he’s the gay one, potentially putting his reputation on the line and trying to show a video (that some of the kids tried to secretly capture) of him kissing Mac for a laugh in the woods so that he can ‘prove’ his homosexuality to everyone

Barry finds and joins Mac, sitting next to him

What I Expected: Slightly awkward silence, Barry questioning whether Mac likes him and being concerned about it

What I Got: Barry teases Mac by asking if he thinks he’s ‘cute’, then asks if he always knew deep down, thereby taking an interest

Barry had every right to feel a little awkward, just like if anyone you don’t fancy kisses you, but he didn’t, he still treated him like a good friend.

Barry

I would also like to add, at no point does Barry use the abhorred phrase ‘no homo’ even as a joke (like a stupid spell to keep the gay at bay; god forbid anyone falsely assume that someone is gay).

These are the key points to take from this:

1. Barry got mad because people were treating being gay as a bad thing, NOT because he was being called gay
2. Barry gave no shits, twice, that people assumed he was gay; his main concern (the second time) was protecting Mac who was clearly distressed
3. Mac comes clean and accepts his sexuality, meaning he didn’t try to repress it or lie for the sake of his wife; a good message for queer people - hiding who you are, especially if you’re in a heterosexual relationship, can be damaging the longer that it’s left
4. Barry did not feel awkward around or avoid Mac even though he’d kissed him

I’ve not been this impressed with how ‘gay’ issues are handled on a TV show in a long time. Sure, there are shows that promote queer lifestyles, but this was handled so well.

It wasn’t a case of ,‘he’s gay, oh well’, it was, ‘he’s gay, it’s fine to be gay, and I feel comfortable, nothing has changed’.

So there we have it – Beaver Falls  gets my queer seal of approval!

Feel free to watch it on 4OD – Series 2, Episode 4 – if you’re in the UK to see the episode for yourself.